It’s Me, Craigslist, And I’m Going To Need You To Do Better With The Whole “Selling Something” Thing Next Time

Photo by Meir Roth on

Yeah, hi, it’s me, Craigslist. I don’t normally interfere with users’ sell posts, but we need to talk about how you just tried to sell a “gently-used 24-oz. plastic cup that says Chester A. Arthur High School on it” on this website.

I get that you’re extremely broke right now, but, honey, this is just sad. It’s not only a waste of my, the website Craigslist’s, time, but it’s really a huge waste of your time. Nobody in the world wants this plastic cup with your high school logo on it. That’s tough to hear, I know, but most of the stuff that people own has absolutely no monetary value, not even on the sad corner of the internet that is me, Craigslist. And this cup is absolutely one of those things.

I can’t be sure because I don’t *know* you, but I imagine that you use this cup specifically when you’re hungover because it’s the biggest water cup you own. And that’s where it’s going to stay, in your cabinet, ready to hydrate you. Because absolutely fucking nobody wants this big-ass plastic cup. This website is for bikes, old computers, and women’s used underwear. And I’ve got to tell you, as the sentient website Craigslist who has seen some shit go down, not even a creepy old guy who’s down to buy basically anything a woman has owned is going to be interested in this pathetic offering. 

I mean, really: the only photo you included was PIXELATED and it cuts off before we get to the top of the cup — according to this “artistic” picture of yours, the cup says “A. Arthur High School”!

I’m not going to accuse you of drunk Craigslist posting, but actually I AM: Do not Drink & Craigslist, it is the FOURTH Commandment of the Internet! Right after the third commandment: “Do Not Drink & Omegle (Yes The Website Omegle Still Exists)”. I can only hope that you have awoken with your hangover, taken a sip from your Chester A. Arthur High School plastic cup, and gained some clarity, for FUCK’S sake. 
Take the post down, sweetie, and maybe try to selling your dresser if you really need the cash that badly. In the meantime, I have a creepy old man here who is interested in buying your “used garments” (dirty underwear, he wants your dirty underwear). 



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