Signs You’re Possessed By The Ghost Of A DARE Officer

  1. Every morning you place your hand on your heart and recite a pledge to stay drug free. 
  2. You randomly text your friends “I don’t need drugs to have fun!” 
  3. You own not one but two Daren the Lion mascot costumes. 
  4. You no longer have friends. 
  5. You invite a drug dealer over and then make him watch anti-drug commercials from the 90s. When he asks if he can leave, you make him sign a drug-free pledge. 
  6. You show up to bars and parties with DARE swag including bumper stickers, pins, hats, and pens. 
  7. You carry a fire extinguisher around at all times. 
  8. When someone offers you a cigarette, you look at the cameraman you hired and say “Just say no!”
  9. Your therapist thinks you’re having a mental breakdown but you refuse any medication because you “don’t roll that way.”
  10. You start showing up to schools with a police uniform you stole from an officer. When you’re asked to leave, you tell the principal that you’re disappointed in the choices he’s made today. 

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