- Every morning you place your hand on your heart and recite a pledge to stay drug free.
- You randomly text your friends “I don’t need drugs to have fun!”
- You own not one but two Daren the Lion mascot costumes.
- You no longer have friends.
- You invite a drug dealer over and then make him watch anti-drug commercials from the 90s. When he asks if he can leave, you make him sign a drug-free pledge.
- You show up to bars and parties with DARE swag including bumper stickers, pins, hats, and pens.
- You carry a fire extinguisher around at all times.
- When someone offers you a cigarette, you look at the cameraman you hired and say “Just say no!”
- Your therapist thinks you’re having a mental breakdown but you refuse any medication because you “don’t roll that way.”
- You start showing up to schools with a police uniform you stole from an officer. When you’re asked to leave, you tell the principal that you’re disappointed in the choices he’s made today.
Little Old Lady Comedy 