Tips On Getting A Tattoo Your Parents Won’t Hate

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Think about size and placement. For example, coming home and saying, “hey Dad, I have a super tiny tattoo on my ankle but don’t worry I’ll just put on some socks” is a lot easier than saying, “I have a tattoo on my lower back that the boys call a TRAMP STAMP and also do you think I’d make a good stripper?”

Be conscious of the message that your new ink gives off. For example, you might think that you have a tattoo that says, “dream big” but all that they’re seeing is a glaring mistake that says, “I’ve failed you both”.  Considering an infinity sign? That’s how long they’ll be mad at you about this. 

Imagine how you’ll feel about the tattoo in 20 years. Now imagine how your parents will feel about it in 20 years.  

Before you tell your parents you’re considering what they call “trashy skin graffiti”,  ask yourself important questions like: “Do I feel prepared for their judgement?” or “What’s the chance they won’t help me pay rent anymore if I do this thing I want to do?”

Try to convince your parents to get matching tattoos with you — this way they’ll definitely be on board! Explain that it’s a family activity and “cool now”. When they refuse, tell them it’ll be “super awkward” if you’re the only one walking around with a “family is forever” foot tattoo.  

Get comfortable with the knowledge that you’ll never again be their favorite child. Sure your brother sold pot in high school but, unlike the charges that were scrubbed from his academic record, this tattoo will be with you for the rest of your life. 

Prepare for a heated debate. You spent two whole semesters in law school so you were basically born for this. When your mom throws out an argument like “you wouldn’t be here without us”, whip out your legal pad and say that based on the constitution this is your body, so HA. If she starts crying, be sure to yell out something you heard on Law and Order like “objection!!”

Think about possible consequences. Do you want to be responsible for your grandmother’s heart attack? Yes it’s unlikely that she’ll REALLY have one after seeing your new ink, but what if she did? Would you feel obligated to get a second tattoo commemorating her life or would that make it worse? 

Hide your tattoo for the rest of your natural life. The only sure-fire way to get a tattoo that your parents will love is if they never find out you got one. 

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