The Impending Mortality Of Cubicle Decor

Photo by Startup Stock Photos on

Your seasonal cubicle decor reminds us all of our impermanence and unstoppable demise.

We appreciate your enthusiasm. We really do. Occasionally, reminders of the “outside” world are positive for morale. Photos of children, for example, or a clever countdown clock ticking the days away until your next trip to a domestic beach or retirement (ha, only 9,855 days left Barry, you can do it!).

It has come to our attention, however, that certain cubicle and common area decorations pertaining to recurring annual holidays are only serving to dampen the overall mood around here. Sure, a rabbit wearing denim overalls that are overflowing with carrots seems benign enough. Ditto for the faux daffodils and pastel-colored plastic eggs. But what’s next? A red, white and blue filing cabinet-scape for 4th of July? Then what? How many days until we see a cornucopia of fake leaves, a morbidly obese turkey in a pilgrim outfit, and a burlap sign irreverently announcing, “It’s Fall Y’all”? 

The point is, we’re busy. We don’t have time as we innocently walk by with photocopies or individually wrapped cheese snacks, to be reminded of the never-ending march of time, irreverently disguised in the form of a tiny bear wearing what appears to be some type of “burglar” outfit holding a heart that says “Thief of Hearts.” Stealing is never funny. Also, don’t even get us started on the cultural insensitivities of some of the St. Patrick’s Day decorations we’ve seen around here. 

None of us know how many days we have left. Except Barry. We’re here to work, stay focused, and turn a profit, not to find ourselves ruminating about our “bucket list” or time left with loved ones. Please keep this in mind as you decorate and shop at whatever discount craft store you’re buying all this from. 

Also, the spring potluck has been cancelled due to budget cuts. 

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