Church Summer Camp Packing List

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What not to bring:

  1. Secular music (women only)
    Album art may have images that cause male attendees to lust. On a related note, any type of dancing is strictly prohibited as it may draw attention to the fact that some camp attendees are in fact female.
  2. Unapproved books (women only)
    Books with male/female interaction of any kind are strictly prohibited as it may inspire unseemly behavior in women.
  3. Shorts (women only)
    Capri pants and floor-length denim skirts are acceptable alternatives. Male attendees may wear shorts of any length.
  4. Sleeveless shirts (women only)
    You know who showed off their shoulders in the Bible? Jezebels.
  5. Makeup (women only)
    Any female caught trying to improve her appearance will be sent home immediately.
  6. Sunscreen (women only)
    If you need sunscreen, then you’re showing too much skin.

What to bring:

  1. 19th-century bathing suit (women only)
    Can be found at any reputable antique store. Please see camp counselor for list of acceptable vendors.
  2. T-shirt to go over bathing suit (women only)
    Any t-shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch or similar is a punishable offense.
  3. Loose-fitting shirts and pants (women only)
    Heather grey or other muted colors are preferred.
  4. Turtleneck (women only)
    May only be worn under loose-fitting shirt as most turtlenecks are slim-fitting and may cause male attendees to have impure thoughts.
  5. Chastity belt (women only)
    May be purchased from purveyor of 19th-century bathing suit.
  6. Crippling body shame (women only)
    If you own a female body, you should be ashamed. It’s every woman’s sole responsibility to control the lustful thoughts of everyone around her.

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