More Drunk Tweets I Deleted

1800491_429424493858013_778376750_n.jpgJust watched Loose Change on LSD and ok 911 was def an inside job yes yes yes?? (it was me all along)

reading makes me cry and cum at same time…can’t believe i know how to read

haven’t told time since third grade when my crush mark asked me when lunch was…bc…i…don’t…know…how!!!

why is there always a line at cava?? is every bowl made w lust??

put some tortilla chips in my green smoothie call it a liquid salad I’m FINE WITH IT

when someone from my past texts me it’s obv bc they want me for my BODY!!!!!!!!!!!

Do elephant seals get sad when they’re fighting i am asking for THEM.

Dali would’ve loved melting cheese in microwave ovens…i’m a thinker.

Every office is a palace of farts.

Kind of into diapers…

If Kant was a gurl you coulda said Kant’s Cunt and made a t-shirt about that

I’m a Popeyes gurl and I kissed a KFC boy (the universe exploded)

Have never done ecstasy because listening to enya/staring at the stratosphere is enough

I wrote a song about vinegar on ukelele!!!!!  who needs a listen

the password in eyes wide shut fidelio sounds a lot like fellatio NOT A COINKY DINK

wage gap thigh gap it’s all the damn same

why do i do musicals about sexual slavery???? so funny tho

asmr is literally whispering wtf why the fuck

water is #boring

exercise is actually for ppl who haven’t eaten aussie cheese fries off their own chest

plants in the office…overrated (i wanna pee on one)

wore shoes the other day…am i carrie bradshaw!!

i’m actually a miranda carrie is a sociopath

thinking of doing a performance art piece where i work out on a treadmill

i shouldve played iago instead of emilia eff the patriarchy

do civilizations live in james franco’s dimples?!

dave franco………….wtf

still can’t believe i’m not dating shia lebeouf

if ur texts r green ur poor

anyone notice how asmr is just whispering i prefer yelling ACTUALLY

SOY LINT da fuq





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