Signs Your Linkedin Profile Is Thirsty For Espionage

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To the trained eye, your background picture of a sunset was taken at Yalong Bay. So, you like long walks on the beach in the People’s Republic of China?

Your former position at the Pentagon is deliberately vague, hinting you might delete later IDK. 

You reference the public sector four times, which just makes us think about what you do in the private sector.

You have 35 endorsements for Macroeconomics, officially qualifying you as a Linked-a-ho.

You went to Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service and its network is one of your follows. You might as well have your tits out. 

Your profile pic has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes us think of the double meaning of the word classified.

You are a professor of nuclear science at Stanford University and president of your local Maserati Car Club. It is clear you have tons of unsolicited dick pics circulating among your students. 

You live in Washington, D.C. and are currently employed as a dog walker, which we know is just an excuse to snoop around the insides of other people’s apartments.

There are so many summits on your profile, we want to climb you. 

You worked at the Trump White House. Send noods.

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