God’s Comedy Diary

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Day 1: Hit the ground running today! Did 3 open mics but I definitely think the system is rigged. For example, I showed up an hour early and people who came in 5 minutes after the mic started got up before me.  At one point, I almost flooded the basement but then I remembered that my therapist said I need to express myself in a healthy way and I am really hoping comedy is it. 

Day 2: Went to a few more mics. Felt a little sad so tried to answer some prayers while I waited to go up but I was just too distracted. Everyone really loved this one guy but I don’t get it! I know I’ve been doing this for 2 days but he seems a little hack. Going to smoke some weed and write tonight. May even watch a Netflix Special. 

Day 3: Got my first show! I was told to bring 20 of my closest friends which I thought wouldn’t be a problem but the angels apparently are “super busy” that weekend which is complete bullshit. One of the angels kept saying, “The Amazon is burning” and it’s like dude, don’t harsh my vibe. 

Day 4: Show went great! Jesus was not happy about the 2 drink minimum and almost got kicked out because he kept ordering water and turning it into wine. I told him I’d get him back eventually and this was a big opportunity because industry is always at the bringer shows. He hasn’t returned my calls and told me to get back to work before the world is completely destroyed.

Day 5: Roast battles are rough! I fucked up big time because I accidentally made a joke about how my opponent is going to die. Ugh how embarrassing! I won by default because he ran out of the room crying but definitely a learning experience for next time.

Day 6: Ran into Satan today. I can’t believe he’s also pursuing comedy. I can’t let it get to me because I hear he runs a cool show and I really want to do it. I’m actually going to go to his birthday party this weekend to network and hang. I don’t know, maybe he’s actually a cool guy and I judged him too harshly. If the party goes well, I may ask him to run a show together or start a podcast.  

Day 7: I am exhausted! I decided to rest today and called Jesus over so we could spend some quality time together. All he did was talk about the world ending and I started to zone out but then I riffed on something he said and got a big laugh. I am excited to try it out at mics this week. Maybe I’ll finally get one of those magazine write ups!

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