Hey girl! I saw you at Target the other night and noticed you accidentally walked the other direction! When I saw you, I thought: There’s a smart, empowered woman who wants to be her own boss and who is also a female person that I have met at least once. So I thought I’d DM you and tell you about the new multi-level marketing company I’m working for!
Insertia is a lot of things. It’s a lifestyle brand. It’s a state of mind. It’s a financial solution. It’s essential oils in the form of anal suppositories. It’s about women helping women become their best selves.
A lot of people stop me there and say wait, you sell anal suppositories? No, of course not. They sell themselves.
Despite literally hundreds of Facebook memes proving that essential oils can cure or prevent literally any ailment, today’s busy super women just don’t have time to diffuse oils all day! Insertia makes it easy: reap all the benefits of essential oils in just a minute of mild to moderate rectal discomfort. That’s what’s so great! When you join the Insertia family, you’re not just a seller. You’re an educator, knocking at your clients’ backdoors with a solution.
Insertia is changing lives every day by empowering women to make a small, $5000 investment in themselves to be their own bosses and join the anal essential oil revolution. Why does it cost money to join Insertia? Because you’re starting a business. You’re starting a journey. You’re preparing to fill every nook and cranny of your home and a rented storage unit with unopened boxes of Rosewood-Tangerine Bliss suppositories while you systematically alienate every single person you’ve ever met. This is an investment in YOU.
Insertia is different than some companies out there that make outrageous claims about their products. Our artisan essential oil suppositories are lovingly crafted and backed up by in-house research studies conducted in the science-forward state of Arkansas. We don’t need the FDA to evaluate our claim that inserting a capsule of CBD oil into your rectum will allow you to lose 60 pounds. Who would know what our product can do better than us?
But wait, you say, isn’t this a pyramid scheme? It’s a common misconception, much like how some people assume Insertia suppositories are supposed to be swallowed. (Do NOT swallow the suppositories!) An MLM and a pyramid scheme are absolutely different. With Insertia, you get a whole community of amazing women in your upline, hounding you daily to do your best and bullying you into shining like the star you are. Does the company structure technically resemble a pyramid? Yes. That’s why we call our organizational structure the Triangle of Empowerment. (Also, why would the Egyptians have built the pyramids if they were so bad, am I right?)
And now, let me tell you about how Insertia has changed my life. I thank God every day for His miracle of a DM from an old friend from 8th grade soccer who harassed me into beginning this incredible adventure. I use Insertia suppositories eighteen times per day to get through my boxes of excess product, and I am blown away by the results. Not only have I not gotten cancer in the past twelve months, but my posture has really improved!
Since joining Insertia, I’ve also been truly blessed to find out who my real friends are, which as it turns out was literally nobody I knew before beginning this amazing experience (including my now-estranged husband.) Every month, I’m cashing in with four-digit residuals. (Yes, two of the digits are to the right of the decimal point, but it’s all about the journey.) Only 26 more rungs to climb on the Triangle of Empowerment, then I’m eligible for a free purple Nissan Juke! And girl, you know you’ll see me rollin’ with the seat warmers on, soothing my exhausted butthole, blasting Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” while eating my feelings in the form of a Cinnabon that I put on a credit card. I’m already in this deep and I’m so excited to keep sinking on this beautiful voyage. My life is irreparably changed, and I owe it all to Insertia.
DM me back when you’re ready to get started, chica!