Thoughts Of A Black Girl Better Known As Spiderwoman

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September 1, 2019

Written in the notes section of an iphone in the mortal world.

8:49 a.m.: Arose this morning in what looked like a queen size bed. I am quite disappointed that heaven looks like my old bedroom.

8:50 a.m.: Maybe I have been in heaven the whole time. Maybe this is why Jesus chose me to have his baby?

8:51 a.m.: Maybe this is hell!

8:52 a.m.: Cell phone does not feel as hot as I would have imagined items in hell to feel like.

8:53 a.m.: Got a hurricane watch alert.

8:56 a.m.: The Devil wouldn’t possibly allow us to receive weather updates.

2:56 p.m.: Feel so much better now that alcohol has been fully flushed from system. Somehow, my little knobby mocha body was able to survive last night’s plane ride.

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I thought I would just sleep on the plane, but couldn’t due to trying to hold everything down. Was forced to sit in middle seat on plane and couldn’t get comfortable. I feel as if there should be rules in place about who gets the window seat.

3:01 p.m.: A margarita housed in a 32 ounce pitcher is far too much for 112 pound person. I do remember pushing drink aside, but I just loved the after taste.

3:44 p.m.: Now I must deal with pregnancy issue.

5:16 p.m.: Just finished peeing on stick. Waiting to see if events from last night resulted in a baby.

5:19 p.m.: Peeing stick should be round instead of straight. Or they should be made bigger. A brick sized circumference would allow no unruly mess to clean up.

5:30 p.m.: I am not having Herb or Jesus’s baby. Even though all me and Herb did was talk, one never does know exactly where sperm is.

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I am a near death and near motherhood survivor.

This may very well be the beginning of something. I really should be taking advantage of my life.

While flying through the air, I wrote down all the things I wanted to do but had been putting off:

1.     Find Purpose

2.     Get body right and tight

3.     Start a YouTube cooking channel

4.     Sleep with crush

List seems rather daunting, however, I can do all things through Christ who strengths me.

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Will spend the rest of my Sunday finding my purpose.

7:43 p.m.: Ordered my first self help book to assist with finding purpose. Surely Michelle Obama has all the answers.

7:57 p.m.: Ended up ordering eyelash serum also as lashes keep falling out when pulled.

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