September 1, 2019
Written in the notes section of an iphone in the mortal world.
8:49 a.m.: Arose this morning in what looked like a queen size bed. I am quite disappointed that heaven looks like my old bedroom.
8:50 a.m.: Maybe I have been in heaven the whole time. Maybe this is why Jesus chose me to have his baby?
8:51 a.m.: Maybe this is hell!
8:52 a.m.: Cell phone does not feel as hot as I would have imagined items in hell to feel like.
8:53 a.m.: Got a hurricane watch alert.
8:56 a.m.: The Devil wouldn’t possibly allow us to receive weather updates.
2:56 p.m.: Feel so much better now that alcohol has been fully flushed from system. Somehow, my little knobby mocha body was able to survive last night’s plane ride.
I thought I would just sleep on the plane, but couldn’t due to trying to hold everything down. Was forced to sit in middle seat on plane and couldn’t get comfortable. I feel as if there should be rules in place about who gets the window seat.
3:01 p.m.: A margarita housed in a 32 ounce pitcher is far too much for 112 pound person. I do remember pushing drink aside, but I just loved the after taste.
3:44 p.m.: Now I must deal with pregnancy issue.
5:16 p.m.: Just finished peeing on stick. Waiting to see if events from last night resulted in a baby.
5:19 p.m.: Peeing stick should be round instead of straight. Or they should be made bigger. A brick sized circumference would allow no unruly mess to clean up.
5:30 p.m.: I am not having Herb or Jesus’s baby. Even though all me and Herb did was talk, one never does know exactly where sperm is.
I am a near death and near motherhood survivor.
This may very well be the beginning of something. I really should be taking advantage of my life.
While flying through the air, I wrote down all the things I wanted to do but had been putting off:
1. Find Purpose
2. Get body right and tight
3. Start a YouTube cooking channel
4. Sleep with crush
List seems rather daunting, however, I can do all things through Christ who strengths me.
Will spend the rest of my Sunday finding my purpose.
7:43 p.m.: Ordered my first self help book to assist with finding purpose. Surely Michelle Obama has all the answers.
7:57 p.m.: Ended up ordering eyelash serum also as lashes keep falling out when pulled.
