Me – Sad, jaded, self-centered. Irresistible to women.

Ethnically Ambiguous Friend – Gives me advice, has no interests outside of being my friend. Is whatever ethnicity we need him to be that week.

Love interest – Whip smart and witty, meaning she thinks I’m funny. A total nerd, an awkward loser. Played by Scarlett Johansson.

My Parents – Loving, kind, generous, give me whatever I need. I hate them intensely.

Random Dog – One episode is shot in black and white, and seen entirely from the eyes of a dog, that we will never mention again. 

Sarah Silverman – As herself. Instantly invites me to move in with her, be lifelong friends. 

The City Of New York Itself  – It vibrates, it moves around us, it’s a living, breathing organism. We capture this on a Los Angeles studio lot. 

Girl I Cheat On My Girlfriend With – Horniest human being to ever live. Young enough to be inappropriate, but old enough for Twitter to not get mad at me.

Trump – Never seen or discussed, but he looms over all of us now doesn’t he?

My Neighbor – Italian guy who has sex so loud, I have to cover my ears when I try to sleep. This is the only joke in the first season.

Coming soon to Quibi.