Produce: It’s Not Just What’s For Dinner

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Are you an overeager home gardener who made the poor choice of planting nothing but beets?  

Did you sign up for a CSA membership to impress your Instagram friends only to discover you’re allergic to vegetables? 

Have you become so enthralled by the sustainable farming movement that you’ve purchased $500 of produce each week at the farmer’s market to show your support? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this list is for you. There’s only so much vegetable matter a person can ingest. Literally. Here are other things to do with all those vegetables, besides eating them. 

Cabbage Patch Hat

A Cabbage Patch Hat is a hat constructed entirely of cabbage, as you might have guessed. It comes in two colors:  pale green and deep purple, which is actually red cabbage, so that’s confusing. There’s a lot of hats in a head of cabbage, so either wear a new hat each day or give some hats to your friends’ heads. If you aren’t currently a zero waste household, start today!

Tiny Cabbage Patch Hat

Perhaps you have a small woodland friend who has noticed you hiking in your Cabbage Patch Hat. A human-sized Cabbage Patch Hat is too floppy for a critter the size of a squirrel, mouse, or snake. Next time you venture into the forest, surprise your tiny friend with a Tiny Cabbage Patch Hat! The material for Tiny Cabbage Patch Hats come from Brussel sprouts, which technically aren’t cabbages, but might as well be. 

Radish Demitasse Cup

The instructions to construct demitasse cups out of radishes for your morning espresso are so easy that even a baby could do it. Cut a radish in half, then scoop out the insides with a whittling knife, careful to leave the wall intact. Toss the radish innards outside for rabbits. They’ll eat practically anything. Even radishes! But probably not because they’re spicy. Anyway, radishes are small, so you’ll probably need to make at least 12 or 13 to accommodate a single shot of espresso. 

Celery Celly Case (CCC)

Looking to reduce your reliance on plastic? A great place to start is with your cell phone! Convert to a do-it-yourself case made of celery and nature will thank you. Actually, nature won’t thank you. This is the least you can do. It’s almost as if celery were designed to hold cell phones! Simply cut the celery to size and snap in your phone. Done! Keep in mind, the Celery Celly Case is merely decorative and must be replaced every 24 hours. Celery cannot be held liable for any damages. 

Beet Box Brush

Is your hair a messy tangle of snarls and snaggles? People with hair have never looked better than after just a few minutes of using the Beet Box Brush. Create this brush by slicing a beet in half. Next, hold the hand-held half in your hand. Now, act like it’s a brush for about 6.5 minutes. You’ll have the reddest hair in town! Just don’t use this brush if you have something against red-heads. 

Tomato Skin Shirt

You’ve spent all your money on vegetables and now your wardrobe budget is non-existent. Make a Tomato Skin Shirt! It’s effortless and classy, plus there’s only two steps. Peel some tomatoes and make a shirt out of those peelings! (Before completing step one, determine desired shirt color. Then, gather a bunch of tomatoes in the chosen color. As many as can be carried. Keep in mind, it’s also okay to wear a multicolored shirt. The only other materials required are a needle, thread, and pattern for a shirt. So before you start step two, select a pattern and prepare the needle and thread. If using a sewing machine, follow all those steps.) See, that was simple! Wear it on casual Friday with jeans! Please be mindful of any co-workers with tomato allergies or an aversion to ketchup. 

Zucchini Pin Cushion

Tired of having sewing needles strewn about your crafting workspace? It’s not only an eye-sore, but could result in a sore eye! Put those extra zucchinis to work by using them as pin cushions! Gently press the pointy end of a pin into a zucchini. Not only is this safer than having pins scattered everywhere, but crafting can cause the crafter to work up quite an appetite. Luckily, the zucchini pin cushion doubles as a healthy snack. Just make sure you remove most of the pins first, or else you’ll have a real emergency situation to deal with! 

Hopefully this list provided you with some creative uses for your extra produce! If you still have some remaining, I’m sure your friends and neighbors would be grateful to have some, especially if your neighbors are guinea pigs. 

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