Wear a pink dress that you found in a dumpster, slap a pink swim cap on your noggin, cut out a a piece of orange construction paper in the shape of a flame and scotch tape it to your third eye, douse yourself in strawberry scented perfume from the Walgreens tester counter, and BAM, you’re an Yankee Candle on sale!
Go to your local park, yank some grass off the ball field, crazy glue it to your arms, rub some questionable dirt on your face and chest, bobby pin a weathered daisy to your center part, and BAM, you’re a fairy woodling creature that looks like it’s dying!
The Spirit of Halloween
Steal an floor length bed bug black gown from Good Will, pour the dust from your hoover vacuum onto your hair, hold a dirty orange that rolled off a fruit cart and into a radioactive New York City puddle and BAM, you’re the impoverished essence of All Hallows Eve!
Grab a steak knife, shakedown your local bodega owner, scamper out of there with a pumpkin under your arm, carve the pumpkin in a local alley, slather the orange seeds and guts onto your body, and BAM, you are a zany but embarrassingly poor holiday gourd!
Take off your shirt, doodle a treble clef in black sharpie on your front side and a bass clef on your back, walk the streets belting an operatic version of Do Re Me Fa So La Ti Do, and BAM, you are music PLUS the poorest person at the costume party!
Develop a simmering open wound on your leg from the stray cat that lives in your apartment, smear the blood on your face and torso to spell out the word “AHHHH!,” and run through the streets screaming, ” I AM EXTREMELY UPSET!”and BAM, you are ANGER, PLUS out of money and likely to be arrested and/ or hospitalized.
Put on a white t shirt, cut out a hole in the shape of a smile, duct tape a shark tooth to your nipple, safety pin a google image print out of a pair of lips to your other nipple, walk around the party saying, “HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY,” and BAM, you are a SMILE, and very clearly struggling to pay rent!
Fail to shower, go to the Halloween party in the nude, ask people for money, and BAM, you are YOURSELF, and in need of a job!