Novels I’ve Told People I Was Writing at Parties

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Little Women I Follow on Instagram
Little Women I Follow on Instagram follows the lives of the March sisters, @Nut_Meg, @OtherJojoSiwa, @BethFitness, and @Amy_VanLife as they struggle with the hardships of being white, blond, conventionally attractive women in Los Angeles in 2019. After @BethFitness forgets to clip her shoes into the bike at SoulCycle and sprains her ankle, the March sisters must come together in a race against time to find the best oat milk latte in the city before their sister is lost forever and can’t do social media for Athleta anymore.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Accidentally Feeding It Too Much Feta
Equal parts fiction and memoir, To Kill a Mockingbird by Feeding it Too Much Feta follows 27-year-old freelance barista Chelsea on a trip to Alabama to visit try and find some common ground with her conservative, Trump-loving gay uncles Atticus and Finch. While getting some air during a particularly heated debate over whether guns should be allowed in PetSmart, a beautiful mockingbird lands in Chelsea’s hand and begins nibbling on the handful of Greek salad she swiped on her way out. The next morning, Chelsea is heartbroken to find the bird laying still on her windowsill, pieces of feta and basil and whatever else people put in Greek salad still clinging to its wilted feathers. Like the Harper Lee classic, this Southern Gothic explores themes of family, racism, and what snacks are and are not appropriate to feed birds. 

Spoken primarily to a toilet in D.C.’s filthiest 18+ nightclub in 2016, Catch-26 explores the absurdity of college life, and why it’s usually a bad idea to mix Vodka and Red Bull. Over the course of her first semester, Haley discovers the paradox of spending thousands of dollars on an education while somehow almost burning down her dorm with microwaveable popcorn. With the help of her best friends she totally can’t stand and her English professor, John Yossarian, Haley works to win a spot on the school’s second worst long-form improv troupe.

Anne of Green Gaybles
Anne of Green Gaybles follows the journey of 11-year-old orphan Anne Shirley after she is adopted by a gay couple and sent to live in San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood. In her new home, she completely forgets that straight people exist and wears the same rainbow Unicorn backpack to 6th grade every day. Within ten minutes she becomes the most popular girl in school, and discovers her innate talent for cross country running. She is known in The Castro as Anne Shirley Temple, and has her own drink named after her at her favorite diner that’s mostly just rum.

Their Eyes Were Watching Lizzo
Their Eyes Were Watching Lizzo follows Lizzo’s biggest fan, Cassidy, as she tries to save enough money working at an Amazon warehouse to buy Beyoncé tickets. She listens to sleeper hit “Truth Hurts” on repeat while putting FitBits and toilet paper into the same box for minimum wage and zero bathroom breaks an hour. Everything changes one day when she changes the song to Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” and realizes that she deserves someone way better than Jeff Bezos. She packages one last copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s City of Girls and quits her job. She soon becomes the country’s most recognizable labor activist and introduces Lizzo at a Seattle Ted Talk. She never saves enough money for a Beyoncé concert.

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