MAINS

Turkey giblets

Twice-digested turkey giblet casserole with sautéed celery

Rando leaves and blades of grass, with creamy pumpkin sauce

Cranberry urinary support supplement (tuck into a generous layer of pureed meat)

Spiders, with apple-walnut and sage butter hairball support laxative

Any goddamned thing on the counter

Oak-aged kibble (retrieve from under desks and rugs)

Flies

DON’T FORGET THE SAVORY SIDES!

Yams (coat with dirt)

Minty floss (coat with pureed meat)

Cold-weather duvet string (coat generously with pureed meat)

Rustic rosemary pull-apart rolls (place on counter until gently mouthed and mauled)

Old Post-its

Fur

DESSERT

Whipped cream, straight from can

Dust bunnies (collect, sprinkle liberally with pumpkin pie spice)

Salted caramel spiders

Flies

Any goddamned thing on the floor

SERVE WITH                          

November-chilled floor water

November-chilled toilet water

Fine Kentucky Bourbon

Spiders