Your Weekly Entry Level Job Postings Email Alert

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Hi there, here is your Weekly Entry-Level Job Posting Email Alert you signed up for from the website called JobSmart you check during your lunch break at your current employer to see if that “dream job” is finally available. Believe us, it’s not, but here are four jobs you may or may not be qualified for depending on how much full-time job experience you have at 23 years old, which should be at least 40 years. Apply below if interested!

JUNIOR SOCIAL MEDIA ASSOCIATE: We’re Smith Marketing Agency and we create ads you fast forward on DVR. The Smith names comes from Charles Smith, the old bigoted man that started this place in the ‘20s. We’re looking for an entry-level Junior Social Media Associate!

What We’re Looking For:

  • Must be young enough to know what a TikTok is and how to explain it to someone over 30 and must already have the idea to create the next TikTok the first day.
  • Okay with being unpaid. Bonus points if you can pay for your own transportation!
  • Candidates with fathers who already work at company and already have more experience than them.
  • 20 years of social media agency experience and have graduated college in the last six months.
  • Graduate degree/MBA preferred.

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT: Roth Law is looking for an entry-level Administrative Assistant to take this firm to new heights and for someone to get us a damn coffee. If your last name is Roth, that’s your only chance you’ll make partner. Apply today anyway!

What We’re Looking For:

  • Must be attractive 22-year-old, but have experience of a 42-year-old. No fatties.
  • Teaching experience at Harvard law for past 20 years with specialty in getting company out of sexual harassment lawsuits.
  • Experience as a Supreme Court Justice of the United States strongly preferred. 
  • Must be able to lift 25 to 30 pounds at a time to get Partner’s hands off of you.
  • Graduate degree/MBA preferred to help combat imposter syndrome gained from this position.

RECRUITING ASSISTANT: Hi we’re Ignite Staffing Firm, the bot-looking people that send you LinkedIn Inmails about jobs you don’t want. We’re recruiting an entry-level Recruiting Assistant! If you’re outgoing, energetic, and will do anything to get a job in this society where there’s always a recession looming, apply today.

What We’re Looking For:

  • Candidates with genuine interest in company. Bonus points if you work here already!
  • Someone to craft their entire corporate recruitment strategy for next year, and can craft our CEO kid’s diorama. The project is due tomorrow. 
  • 1-150 years of recruiting experience that ranges from recruiting your sorority sisters six months ago to recruiting new members for the Illuminati. 
  • Must be able re-recruit our entire company yourself after we all leave for a company that pays industry standard.
  • Graduate degree/MBA preferred, bonus points if you are actual diploma. 

JUNIOR CHEMIST: Greetings, we’re Bloom Science Laboratory and we do something really complex that’s really hard to explain in a job posting but know we do something with science. We are recruiting an entry-level Junior Chemist to wear a white coat and look smart but not do anything meaningful for us.

What We’re Looking For:

  • Must be a rockstar, ninja, guru, AND unicorn. You will be asked to show your unicorn horn during the interview.
  • Experiencing curing cancer strongly preferred.
  • Must have job experience, even though you can’t get experience without applying for a job, and you can’t job experience without having a job. 
  • Graduate degree/MBA preferred because you know we aren’t going to pay for you to get one. 

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