Ten Guidelines For Submitting The Contestant Form On The Bachelor

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by Piyali Mukherjee

The following questions have been sourced from the application form on abc.com/casting for The Bachelor. 

  • “Do you have a nickname and where does it come from?” (1 line)
    • In the rare instance you have a name representing an ethnic or national identity that differs from the roster of homogeneously common American-Caucasian names, you have the space to be able to actually add something intriguing about your personal history and appellations. Otherwise, write your name and drop a few vowels. Alternatively, write your real name and add extra silent letters. Since they are silent, their placement is your choice. 
  • “Have you ever had a temporary restraining order issues against someone or had one issued against you? If so, please give details and dates.”  (2 lines)
    • In the event that you find the details taking up too much space, provide a name and the date. If multiple orders against the same person exist, be sure to delineate them with commas, as opposed to dashes, so as to not make them appear like birth and death dates.
  • “Are you genuinely looking to get married and why?” (1 line) 
    • Insert the following and edit for your personal font size: “From the historical dawn of social alliances, our species have sought marriage and I, as their progenitor, now intend to continue to uphold this now-deconstructed social more. Also, I like cuddles and the near-constant presence of another human being in my life.” 
  • “How many serious relationships have you been in and how long were they?” (3 lines) 
    • There are only 3 available lines here which brings us to the genuine contemplation of what counts as “serious.” Furthermore, given that participants have been evicted from the show for still having had persons under the impression that they were still dating the contestants, it is important to be on the same page as your ex(es) about whether the situation is “truly over.” For an additional layer of preparation, stalk your exes on social media one last time in order to find pictures that are suggestive of them having a thriving life, preferably with a significantly more attractive companion-friend than you. If they still claim to have feelings for you, please present these documents as evidence that you had thought, “for real though,” that your alliance was “over.” 
  • “What happened to end those relationships?” (2 lines)
    • There are exactly two lines to encapsulate a vast variety of reasons. Therefore, here is a good place to insert abstract nouns such as “time,” “growth,” “charity,” etc. 
  • “Have you ever participated in online or social media dating?” (2 lines)
    • Again, there are two entire lines for you to place the words “yes” or “no” in any position or fashion you please. Enjoy this freedom, because responses to the other questions cannot be redirected to the empty lines found here. 
  • “List three adjectives that would surprise your friends about you.” (1 line) 
    • The entire English language is your playground. You can use words ranging from “kind” to “furry” and “purple.” They may also be three adjectives that your friends did not know you knew.  
  • “Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are they? And where are they located on your body?” (2 lines) 
    • This question appears to ask for detail and yet, does not give you the space to provide it. There are two ways to ace this question on the test. The first is to answer “no” and proceed. The second is to answer “yes” and then delineate them with commas. A common and incredibly expensive shortcut is to also cover the gaps between any large tattoos with more ink such that you can only list one part of your body, and assume that they know it spans to the rest. 
  • “Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s on it?” (2 lines)
    • With the operating constraint of exactly two lines, this question is testing to verify that if you do have a bucket list, it must, indeed, be a list of buckets. Alternatively, only only one item can accompany a “yes” response. Or, if you write in very small print, maybe three.  
  • “What have you not found but would like to have in a relationship?” (2 lines) 
    • Another excellent spot to populate with abstract or common nouns. Succinct answers range from “compatibility” to “a person.” 

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