Introducing Blue-Collar LaCroix: The Only Carbonated Seltzer Water For Real Americans

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Let’s face it. You work hard, and you love working. You’re not one of those snooty, East Coast, Ivy League elites who can’t tell the difference between a tractor and a trowel. No, you’re a real American. And you love to get your fingers dirty and do the jobs that no one else has the stones for.

But, as a real American…don’t you deserve to drink a real beverage?

That’s right.

Don’t you deserve to drink “Blue-Collar LaCroix”? It’s the only non-caloric, artificially-flavored seltzer water for rural Americans.

Look. Those hoity-toity Manhattan intellectuals just don’t get it. They don’t get what it’s like to earn an honest living after a tough day’s work in the fields. Hell, with all their high-rise apartments and WaPo thinkpieces, those city-slickers probably don’t even know the meaning of the word “callouses.”

But you get it.

Every day, from sunup to sundown, you work your butt off. And when you get home, you don’t want just any old seltzer to clear all that dust out of your parched throat. And you definitely don’t want to drink Schweppes or Perrier like you’re some kinda Wall Street muckamuck.

No, you want a soda water that goes down smooth. You want a soda water that’s been barrel-aged to perfection in LaCroix’s world-famous Memphis distilleries.

You want Blue-Collar LaCroix, dammit.

Featuring our award-winning combination of strong, rugged, all-natural oil extracts, Blue-Collar LaCroix comes in all your favorite flavors, including:

  • Kentucky BBQ
  • Miller High Life
  • Corn
  • The first rain of summer
  • Holding hands with your sweetheart in the back of your vintage 2005 Chevy Silverado
  • Jason Aldean
  • Corn (husked)
  • Season 3 of The Dukes of Hazzard
  • Christianity
  • Truck racin’
  • Pamplemousse (grapefruit)
  • Denim

And yeah, we know what you’re thinking: “All those flavors and still no calories?”

Uh-huh. This ain’t your grandma’s nonalcoholic, 0% ABV seltzer. This is carbonated water made for men… by men… by American men.

Because LaCroix cares for the heartland of this great nation–you see, this isn’t just yet-another disingenuous marketing campaign desperately trying to appeal to middle America. No. This is the real deal. 

That’s why LaCroix isn’t going to rest until every single red solo cup from Virginia to Texas is filled with delicious, non-caloric seltzer water.

This ain’t the big city anymore… This is LaCroix country!

So what are you waiting for? Make your way down to your local Cabela’s and pick up a 6-pack of Blue-Collar LaCroix today. And if you buy within the next two weeks, we’ll also throw in a free copy of Cigar Aficionado–the only magazine that caters specifically to cigar smokers. Now that’s a deal that even a city-slicker wouldn’t be dumb enough to pass up on!

Just remember: the next time your throat is sore and scratchy from working down in those pesky coal mines, make sure to wash your day away with a cool, refreshing, Blue-Collar LaCroix–the only seltzer for middle America.

And don’t forget… LaCroix Responsibly.

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