by Megan Hughes
Barbie has been a toy staple in childhood homes since 1959. Over 60 decades later and it’s still dominating the market, but I think with some help it could reach a whole new demographic of children. I’m here to introduce to you the Less Fortunate Collection! For only $4.99 these dolls & accessories are incredibly affordable for families on government assistance, in foster homes, and they’re easy to steal even if you can’t shell out the $5.
Cathy is the mother-figure. She has the ‘Kate Plus 8’ haircut, drawstring sweatpants that’s missing the string, a single pink fuzzy slipper and a cigarette butt still in hand. The cigarette butt isn’t detachable so no worries about that being the choking hazard. She also comes with a long nightgown that’s just a 4XL t-Shirt.
Bill is the father-figure. His attire includes a stained white tank top that can be switched out for a New York Rangers jersey. Bill not only comes with his own recliner, but he also has his own rolled up newspaper that’s only used to swat at flies or the dog! This set isn’t complete without an off-brand beer can which is always placed between his greasy thighs.
Courtney is the star, our most popular doll of the collection! She is the 20-something that wasn’t able to get adopted so she just stuck around. She has long dark brown hair and still wears leggings under jean skirts. Courtney comes with college-ruled notebooks for the community college classes she’s taking and a detachable bong! If you press the button on the bottom, it lights up as she lights up.
Uncle Joe is Bill’s brother. He spends most of his days passed out on the living room couch (included with purchase) and he only has one eye. Uncle Joe comes with bendable knees so when he is awake he is able to sit up. There are several eyepatch color options available to sort through like Camo, Forest Green, the American Flag, and Robin’s Egg Blue.
Joanne is the next door neighbor. She always has her hair in a beehive updo and comes with several dog-sweater options which include a Frenchie, a Poodle, and a Labrador Retriever. Joanne comes with a full cigarette attached to her right hand, always ready for a lighter. She also comes with her very own fence to lean on as her and Cathy dish about the trouble that’s moved in down the block.
Chase is the 12 year old boy. He has a popsicle-stained mouth, comes with a Tyler the Creator t-shirt and a Playstation 4 controller. Chase is constantly carrying around a cracked iPhone 8 so he can make tik toks and post to instagram every time he finds a gram-worthy meme. He also comes with a poster of Eminem in 8-mile but when asked about it he will tell you that Machine Gun Kelly is way better.
Miranda is the 8-year-old girl scout. Towards the end of every winter/start of spring this doll will be available for purchase. She comes complete with every available box of girl scout cookie, a small knife, and a pepper spray key-chain for protection. She is currently the only doll with a speaker so when you press her back you will hear her say phrases such as, “Hi! I’m raising money for a trip to Haiti with my girl scout troop, would you like to buy some cookies?” And, “Cookies are $6 a box, I don’t haggle.” Also, “I don’t take starter checks, you either pay with cash or I’m walking, Mr.” Plus many more!
Kevin is the family dog. He is a Pit bull-Labrador mixed breed dog and is loved by the entire family sometimes. He comes with an old dog collar and a chewed up flip-flop. He also comes with his own bag of cancer-causing ‘Beggin’ Strips’ since the family does not read up on what not to feed your pets.
The Less Fortunate Collection is available at K-Mart, Toys-R-Us and Dollar General.
This was SO hysterical!! Great read! Definitely has a future as a comedy/writer!!
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You crack me up all the time! How do you come up with this stuff?? Haha great read!
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We need a Karen doll. She sells stinky pink drinks and asks to speak to the manager. 🙂
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