I am a show runner for a hit comedy show on a major network my wife’s family owns. I am also a proud liberal, white male ally and WGA union buster. I have never voted conservative or third party in my life because I know how important it is to vote blue no matter who.
With my busy schedule, I have never in my life had time to participate in any activism but I do have over 90,000 followers on Twitter, which is why I feel it’s important that I share my political advice far and wide. That way, it reaches as many undereducated, misinformed idealists who didn’t have the chance to study at Harvard and learn the importance of pragmatism, compromising on your values, and having a low federal tax rate as possible.
As the proud member of a Hollywood family that has been famously liberal for generations, I can say that, unlike the masses, I have had the luxury of having certain important values instilled in me. My family taught me the importance of having an open mind, believing in our cherished institutions, and turning in any of your friends whose leftists views are a bit too radical. I hold these beliefs dearly today and while overseeing one of my many award winning television shows, please see my IMDB page for more details, I have tried to uphold them to the best of my ability.
That is why I am saying it is time for the woke online leftists to fall in line and vote blue no matter which centrist we choose. The kids on Twitter can have their fun but at some point the adults need to sit down and chose a leader who will bring people together with this clear, direct message: maybe in another 8 years. I frankly feel a bit overwhelmed having to make this point over and over. Whether I’m on a talk show promoting my new book of tweets, hosting my new Netflix show where they pay me to eat expensive food with famous comedic actors, or writing articles like this, I feel I am constantly having to go out of my way to mention how important it is that everyone get out and support the nominee.
I know I have a big audience of people who look up to me and that every single one of them is already planning to vote liberal but it’s just too important for me to stay silent. So one more time everyone, please vote blue no matter who! That way we’re not stuck with another four years of the cheeto in chief whose vulgarity and dumb tweets have kept me from even being able to enjoy my new beach house.