It may be cuffing season, but more importantly, it’s VSCO-girl season. You have ten different NASA sweatshirts, even though you’re not quite sure what NASA stands for, and your Hydro Flask is covered in stickers of quirky bands you’ve never listened to. Now, all you’re missing is a bunch of adorable, sweaty scrunchies that tell the world, “I had lice in fourth grade.”
Pastel Rainbow Velvet Hair Scrunchie from Claire’s, $4.99
This scrunchie says, “you might be JoJo Siwa’s long-lost twin she tried to eat in the womb. DM her on Instagram! You never know.” But most of all, this scrunchie lets your classmates sitting two inches behind you in Psych-115 know that you most definitely had bugs crawling all over your head in fourth grade.
Red and Green Plaid Scrunchie from Brandy Melville, $3
This holiday festive scrunchie is perfect for Friendsgiving or tricking people into thinking you have depth. Unfortunately, since it’s from Brandy, you’re not going to be able to do much with this scrunchie unless you have the wrists of a 2-year-old. You also let Jessica borrow it without telling her to shake it vigorously before wearing it to get all the lice eggs out. Oops!
Mini Assorted Scrunchie Set from Urban Outfitters, $12
These cuties come a variety of colors, like egg shell white, burnt egg shell, olive green and mystery stained carpet grey. These scrunchies are also great for all occasions, like doing cute photo shoots with friends and begging your parents for money because you spent $12 on a scrunchie. The neutral tones of these scrunchies let people know that you’re down-to-earth, and also down to give them recommendations on the tea tree oil shampoo that finally got rid of your lice in fourth grade.
Sky Blue Scrunchie (featuring blood stains) from Goodwill, 10 cents
Lice is the least of your problems with this scrunchie. You had lice once in fourth grade, but this scrunchie is going to infect you with things way worse than lice. They say you should never buy underwear at a thrift store. This is like that, but way worse. And those blood stains? You’re about to be implicated for a murder than happened before you were born.
Harlow Designer Scrunchies Pack of 65 from Amazon, $8.79
Nothing says “my free student trial of Amazon Prime is about to run out” more than this adorable pack of 65 designer scrunchies. Decorate your Christmas tree with scrunchies, give all your friends scrunchies, even burn scrunchies, and you’ll still have plenty left over to cut off blood flow to your hands. You’ll have so many scrunchies, no one will suspect that you were banned from wearing them in fourth grade because you gave the whole school the worst case of lice Pennsylvania had ever seen.