Within five seconds of finishing Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story, Ashley, age 28, has developed PTSD.
“I’ve never been so depressed in my life,” says Ashley, who was forced to go back on her meds after seeing the film.
“How could Noah Baumbach do this to me?” says Ashley, who is admittedly a fan of Frances Ha and The Squid and the Whale.
Ashley’s story is not an uncommon one, unfortunately. Women of all ages across the world have reported symptoms of Marriage Story related PTSD.
A 68 year old woman in Italy said, “You’d think it’d be okay with subtitles, but sadly, this movie made me relapse.”
A 40 year old woman in Sweden said, “Every time someone mentions Stephen Sondheim, I break out into a cold sweat.”
A 52 year old woman from Gambia said, “Now, whenever I see pictures of Adam Driver, I soil myself.”
A 90 year old woman in Ohio said, “After seeing this movie, I died.”
“The problem with Marriage Story is that, it’s actually about a divorce, and that’s just inappropriate, ” says Ashley, who now has nightmares every night about Laura Dern trying to kill her.
Noah Baumbach is being sued by several women for emotional distress. Scarlett Johansson has reportedly said, “I don’t blame them.”
“If I knew this move was actually about a divorce, ” says Adam Driver, “I never would have done it.”
When asked about whether he was upset about not winning best picture, Noah Baumbach stated with his head down, ” Well, horror movies never win so…”