Food Network’s New Show Is Called “Eat Bobby Flay” Because He’s Just So Gosh Darn Adorable

Illustration by Gil Franco

This Spring, kindly aunts and sweet godmothers descend on Manhattan to “eat Bobby Flay up” in what Variety magazine is describing as “a macabre fusion of Iron Chef, and, quite literally, Survivor.” Can Bobby execute his famous Southwestern dishes while contestants pinch his cheeks, aggressively explain away his divorces, and literally fight over who “loves a man in an apron” more? 

Can he serve up his signature crispy rice with a trio of Lindas berating his girlfriends’ cooking and grappling to hand feed him their roasts?

Tune in to find out.

Don’t miss this season’s wildcard, Nana, who gets possessive and ups the ante. What starts with “just a little bite,” quickly escalates to a must-see-television feeding frenzy.

Will Bobby pass the ultimate cooking test of sating the insatiable, taming the forbidden taste… satisfying those with a newfound craving for human flesh? He’ll need every trick in his culinary arsenal to keep the covetous Kathys and ravenous Ritas away from his juicy haunches.

If you’re on the fence, know that this show has everything. Experimental cooking methods, cage-free and very-much-caged eggs, actual backstabbing, blood, sweat, tears, more blood. So much blood. 

It also has charm. Just ask Aunt Jacquie, who gushes practically every episode about how “that Bobby… he’s just so charming.” 

“He reminds me of my boy,” she coos while swiping her paring knife at Bobby’s femoral artery.

Of course, Aunt Jacquie’s not the only one out for a taste of “that sweet, red Bobby elixir.” If Nana gets her way, Bobby will inject some new life into her blood pudding recipe. And crowd favorite, Sharene, thinks Bobby is “so darling” that she “could dice him up and watch the spirit drain from his face.”

In one particularly telling confessional, this season’s champ captures the spirit of the competition: “You know, you watch his shows long enough and it starts to seem like Bobby’s cooking just for you. Then you meet him and he’s so cute that all you can think about is what his precious little kidneys taste like. It’s the weirdest thing!”

Will Bobby’s last name finally be turned against him? Trust us, you don’t want to miss even a second of the most dramatic Food Network offering yet.

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