by Charles Stayton and Dustin Mark
Love is Blind and Tasteless
This sequel is exactly like Love is Blind, but flavor has been engineered out of all food and drink. Contestants eventually downplay their sense of taste and, by extension, the rest of their physiological senses. This leads them towards truer instincts and more profound love indicators (like emotional unavailability).
Love is Blind, Tasteless, and Deaf
Without the distraction of their dates’ voices, which are negated by noise-canceling headphones, contestants tune into the rhythm of their own hearts and discover the inner path to love. Contestants also have no one to interrupt and thus one more thing for their partners to adore about them.
Love is Blind, Tasteless, Deaf, and Anosmic
To force even more authentic connections and remove the confusing variable of scent, all contestant interactions are flooded with animal pheromones. Relieved of the sense most closely tied to memory, contestants are less distracted by thoughts of kind people back home worrying about their life choices.
Love is Blind, Tasteless, Deaf, Anosmic, and Without Feeling
As love becomes easier and easier to find after many successful seasons, contestants are given the extra hurdlevantage of head-to-toe numbing cream. Numbed all over and placed opposite each other in pools filled with oil, contestants prove that not only is love blind, it’s also a master of third eye Marco Polo. This provides the added benefit of helping daters get comfortable touching each other without having to actually feel it.
Love is Blind, Tasteless, Deaf, Anosmic, Without Feeling, and Sociopathic
To ratchet up the drama and effectiveness of the show, clinical psychiatrists are brought in to supervise oil pool dates. Anyone who shows empathy is removed from the show and replaced with a contestant who is hotter, meaner and more dangerous to society. If love can transcend emotion, can’t we all?
Love is Completely Cut Off from Sensory Experience
Taking the show to its logical extreme, contestants are placed in sensory deprivation tanks, robbed of their proprioception and thermoception, and brought right to the edge of identity dissolution. Contestants who achieve ego death are built back up and matched by benevolent producers who know what love is: a connection based on explosive relational patterns and the not insignificant chance of a breakup at the altar.