I Love My Polyamorous Lifestyle Because Now Two People Are Constantly Critiquing Me!

When I first picked up The Ethical Slut from my local Barnes and Noble, I thought, “Could this lifestyle really be for me?” YES I am a middle-aged white woman who loves the renaissance festival, but can I handle having two partners at once? Will there be jealousy and infighting? Will I get an unnatural amount of STDs?

How close minded and naive I was back then. Now, after months of having both a husband and a girlfriend, I can say that we all live in perfect harmony with the help of a shared Google calendar. Everything is going swimmingly. The thing I like best about it, though, is how they are both constantly critiquing me.

Before my journey into ethical sluthood began, I would fight with my spouse like any other normal married couple! Living with someone is difficult! But now that I live with TWO CRITICS, when my husband and I get into a fight, he has backup! And that’s great! I love that they get along so well! And they’re right! I can’t cook and sometimes I am misinformed about politics! Haha! HAHA.

The thing about living with two smug people who are constantly patting each other on the back while they patronize me is that it is FUN and very sexually satisfying! When they told me we were doing dry January it definitely didn’t feel like an intervention. Everything is fine! I love it here on love island! Too much sexual energy to go around! And they were right that I am turning into my mom! Lol we have fun!Anyway, monogamy is stupid and I’m superior to you. Can I please stay at your house this weekend? I just need a little break.

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