Kenny Rogers’s Ten Commandments

by Jackson Weaver

On a warm summer evening, on a train bound for nowhere, when Moses spoke to Kenny Rogers, he received these ten commandments. They outline the fundamentals of a moral code, and those who follow them will certainly live a prosperous life.

1.     Thou shalt have no other Gamblers before me.

2.     If you’re gonna play the game boy, you gotta play it right.

3.     Thou must know when to hold em’.

4.     Thou must know when to fold em’.

5.     Thou must know when to care for em’ in their time of need.

6.     Thou must know when to walk away.

7.     Thou must know when to when to run.

8.     Thou must follow the Internationally Determined rules for racewalking when thou is not walking nor running.

9.     Thou shalt not count thine money when thou art sitting at the table, as simple arithmetic errors will be mocked mercilessly.

10.  Any poker game that does not begin with the Lord’s prayer (The Gambler by Kenny Rogers) is cursed and every player will be haunted by the ghost of Kenny Rogers’s beard.

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