Nightmares I Had After I Binged Tiger King

  • photo of tiger showing his fangs while lying on white surface
    Photo by Pixabay on
  • Drowning in a sea of expired Walmart meats, Carole Baskin and I make out in the back of a filthy garbage truck.


  • It is nighttime. I have two husbands with no teeth. We all do meth together while eating a tiger meat pizza pie.


  • I am one of Doc Antle’s  many sluts. I’m wearing a skin tight leopard suit and try to escape my quarters by jumping over the barbed wire gate at midnight. I am of course, eaten by a bobcat.


  • I marry Joe Exotic and Here Kitty Kitty is our wedding song. As I walk down the aisle there is a baboon on my back and a lynx holding my hand. My bouquet is a bowl of raw chicken. Before I make it to the altar, the baboon rips my arms off. Joe Exotic places the ring ( a small piece of tiger poo fashioned into a ring) onto my stump.


  • I am trying to get to Big Cat Rescue for a fun day out in the sun, but a rainstorm of Carole Baskin’s blond hair pours down on me. Her gorgeous locks suffocate me until I perish.


  • I am one of Joe’s husband’s teeth and I feel very lonely with no other teeth around so I decide to end my life by forcing Joe’s husband to accidentally swallow me.


  • I am a female tiger and I fall in love with Joe Exotic. Angry that he is gay and will not love me back, I decide to run against him in the race for governor. I win and am crowned the governor tiger princess of Oklahoma. Joe Exotic apologizes for not loving me and I do not give up my throne.


  • I am a bobcat and I try meth.


  • I am a lion and I try meth.


  • I dream the series exactly as it was.


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