Friend: Hey! How are you doing!??
Me: Well, well, well. La di da!
Friend: Haha. Seriously how are you? I’ve missed you!
Me (screams): Oh AND WHAT AM I? CHOPPED LIVER??!
Friend: I am asking YOU how YOU are! So no I do not think you are chopped liver!
Me (grabs friends face with hands, kisses friend on lips) mutters in a Brooklyn accent: You broke my heart. You broke my heart!
Friend: Why? What’s wrong? What did I do?
Me: I have to find the files! Our lives depend on it. Are you with me?
Friend: What files? Of course I’m with you. I’m your friend! I want what’s best for you!
Me: I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half caf with a twist of lemon.
Friend: Oh, you wanna go get coffee! Great, all the coffee shops have re-opened!
Me (triumphantly, southern accent): As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.
Friend: OK, I’m hungry too. Let’s go to a coffee place that serves food.
Me: All those voting guilty please raise your hands.
Friend: Who are you talking to? I’m the only one here! Guilty of what? What’s going on?
Me (starts speaking German): Aber was its das, was ich h öre? Du has nicht geschrieben.
Friend: You speak German? What? I had no idea. Did you learn it over quarantine? I’m impressed.
Me: (Holds up a boom box-playing “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel).
Friend: You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment. Yes, the answer is YES!!
After their embrace they vow to meet later at the top of the Empire State building. The end.