A Transcript Of My First In-Person Conversation Post Quarantine

Friend: Hey! How are you doing!??

Me: Well, well, well. La di da!

Friend: Haha. Seriously how are you? I’ve missed you!

Me (screams): Oh AND WHAT AM I? CHOPPED LIVER??!

Friend: I am asking YOU how YOU are! So no I do not think you are chopped liver!

Me (grabs friends face with hands, kisses friend on lips) mutters in a Brooklyn accent: You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

Friend: Why? What’s wrong? What did I do?

Me: I have to find the files! Our lives depend on it. Are you with me?

Friend: What files? Of course I’m with you. I’m your friend! I want what’s best for you!

Me: I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half caf with a twist of lemon.  

Friend: Oh, you wanna go get coffee! Great, all the coffee shops have re-opened!

Me (triumphantly, southern accent): As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.

Friend: OK, I’m hungry too. Let’s go to a coffee place that serves food.   

Me: All those voting guilty please raise your hands.

Friend: Who are you talking to? I’m the only one here! Guilty of what? What’s going on? 

Me (starts speaking German): Aber was its das, was ich h öre? Du has nicht geschrieben.

Friend: You speak German? What? I had no idea. Did you learn it over quarantine? I’m impressed. 

Me: (Holds up a boom box-playing “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel).

Friend: You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment. Yes, the answer is YES!!

After their embrace they vow to meet later at the top of the Empire State building. The end. 

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