Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll begin boarding call for flight 55220 from Atlanta to New York in just a few moments. We invite you to take this time and make sure you have all of your personal belongings packed and ready to go, and that any phone chargers you wish to leave behind are both frayed and somehow wet. Also, if Jessica Frock could come to the front desk, we’d appreciate it. Again, that’s Jessica Frock. We have what seem to be three dozen Outkast t-shirts and an envelope full of cash shoved into a neon purple duffel bag with your name on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a friendly reminder that we’ll begin boarding call for flight 55220 from Atlanta to New York in just a few moments. Again, please check your immediate area to make sure you have all of your belongings, and take any additional time to try and not panic about the rapid spread of coronavirus. As a complimentary service to our flying friends, we’ll be offering free blockage of all news apps, which comes at no additional cost with our complete lack of wi-fi. Also, would Jessica Frock return to the front desk? Someone named The Dragon said they’ll teach you a lesson if you don’t hand over the duffel bag tomorrow at sunset.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a friendly reminder that we’ll begin boarding call for flight 55220 shortly. If you’re for any reason whether or not you’ll board first or last, might we suggest taking a look in the mirror. If you’re a young white guy in a track suit, a middle-aged white guy with nice sneakers, or a person with a handcart full of baggage, then you’ll be boarding first. Also, if Jessica Frock is still on the floor, please note that The Dragon called to clarify that they’d like you to meet them at SeaEscape, the new aquatic-themed escape room that opened in Soho.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll now begin boarding for flight 55220. Please note that if your pets do not have the appropriate luggage tags on their cages and crates, they will likely become the property of our airline, and, if cute, used in any future promotional ads we may run. Also, if Jessica Frock can come to the front desk, we’d appreciate it. There’s nothing urgent; we just have so many questions about The Dragon and your duffel bag.
Ladies and gentlemen, flight 55220 from Atlanta to New York will depart momentarily. Please make sure all bags are stowed in the overhead compartment above your seats, and that your phones and babies are on airplane mode. Our in flight movie will be the 2001 hit, Osmosis Jones, starring the voice of Chris Rock. Please locate any headphones you have on you, unless you’d like to pay the humble sum of $50 for our Air Pal earbuds. Also, if Jessica Frock has boarded, please note that your husband called to say that The Dragon has taken him as collateral for the evening, but there’s a vegetable lasagna in the fridge.
Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure to fasten your seat belts, as we’re set to take off. We want to take this opportunity to insincerely thank you for flying with us. Also, Jessica Frock, we’re rooting for you, and have began an on-flight betting pool about whether or not you’re a vigilante hero.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be coming around to ram you in the knees with our beverage cart in just a second. Remember, that Sky Law is in effect, so even if we break a bone, you’re unable to sue us. Also, Jessica Frock, we’d like your assistance up front. It seems that The Dragon has threatened the safety of our flight unless he hears you sing “Take Off Your Cool” off the 2003 Andre 3000 record, The Love Below.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re just approaching New York now, and will begin our descent to the John F. Kennedy International Airport runway in about ten minutes. Please make sure you have all your belongings packed and ready to go. Also, while we can’t speak for Jessica Frock, we’ve decided that if we were in Ms. Frock’s position, we’d hunt down The Dragon tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve now landed in New York, and would like to thank each of you for flying the friendly skies with us. Also, we’d like to thank Jessica Frock for giving us an idea for a Netflix show based loosely on the little we know about her, and hope she lives long enough to see it!