Changes That Jennifer Lopez Would Institute As An Owner Of The New York Mets

“The Star-Spangled Banner” will now feature a guest verse from Ja Rule.

J. Lo will release a subway sequel to her classic album On The 6, entitled On The 7.

The size of the hot dog buns at Citi Field will now be three times bigger.

Yoenis Cespedes will rehab his ankle injury–and get ab-defining workouts–with the help of celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson.

Goodbye, Mr. Met….hello, Fly Girls dancers!

Fiancé (and co-owner) Alex Rodriguez will come out of retirement to serve as MLB’s first owner/player/commentator.

“Jennifer Lopez BobbleBooty Night” will be an annual tradition.

The traditional rendition of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” will be replaced by the “club house” remix of  “Jenny From The Block.”

Noah Syndergaard will be named People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”

Benny Medina will serve as the team manager.

In homage to J. Lo’s Golden Globe nominated performance in Hustlers, the foul poles will be transformed into stripper poles.

Televised games will be followed by episodes of J. Lo’s new spin-off sitcom, The Queen of Queens.

To paraphrase Jay Z, J. Lo will make a Mets hat more famous than a Met can.

The Mets will acquire much needed bullpen help.

The End

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