Sure, there are lots of reasons your man may act a little strange. He might have a romantic dinner date in the works, plans for a sweet weekend with his secret family, or maybe this is it—he’s finally going to trap you in a mine! A word of caution: don’t get your hopes and your adrenaline levels up too soon. He may not have a super-secret plot to put a black bag over your head, drive you into the musty core of an abandoned mine, and leave you for dead. But these seven subtle hints might just mean that he’s about to trap you in a mine!
1. He’s gotten very secretive, but you can totally see him welding manacles in your garage. He mumbles incoherently when you ask about work, won’t tell you where he’s been, and gets mysterious packages of things like rope and canaries. His job is at a bank, but he comes home covered in coal dust. Maybe he’s just an emotionally distant spelunker. Or maybe he’s going to trap you in a mine!
2. Whenever you suggest anything expensive, like a vacation or a new TV, he says he’s putting all his money towards “the van.” You sneak up behind him while he’s on his laptop, and he’s on a website that exclusively sells white vans with blacked-out windows. Again.
3. His friends’ girlfriends have all disappeared. You saw it on the news, and all he said was, “Oh, look outside. It’s a bird. There’s a bird outside.” They were doctors, lawyers, and minor marketing executives. Now they are on milk cartons. Sure, he doesn’t always follow in the footsteps of his bros. But the way he looked at that bird sent a chill down your spine.
4. He starts asking you questions about deep stuff, like specifically how you would adapt to life deep underground. You’ve never known him to be particularly inquisitive. Usually, when you ask him what he wants for dinner, or how he feels about his moral culpability in the climate crisis, he just grunts. But suddenly he’s a Chatty Kathy. And he only wants to chat about whether you’re afraid of the dark, how you feel about enclosed spaces, and how long you can hold your breath.
5. As a fun girls’ weekend treat, he signs you and your friends up for a survivalist course. Mindy thinks the whole thing is super weird, but Sharon is the first one to kill a rabbit with a throwing knife. When you ask him why he chose this, he says that it’s no fun if you don’t have a “sporting chance.”
6. He’s acting out-of-character, and that character is “man in a Lifetime movie thriller.” He was never much of a planner. But now he takes you on romantic dates, stares at you the whole time, and drops his wine glass to test your reflexes. You do most of the cooking and cleaning, but last weekend he scoured the entire house. When you said thank you, he said he wants to get rid of any DNA evidence.
7. He’s bagged your head, shoved you in his van, and now you’re tumbling down into the endless dark! Omg, girl, it’s time. You can officially freak out! There might not be Instagram down here (Bummer!). But you can still put those survival skills to good use as you claw, hand over hand, up to sunlight, fresh air, and sweet fucking revenge.