President Lady MacTrump, A Tragedy

(Or, The Russian Play)

Act 5, Scene 1. White House. Press Briefing Room.

(Enter Doctor Fauci and a Fake News Reporter)

Doctor Fauci:
I have too long watched, but can perceive
no facts in your report. When was it he last made any sense?

Fake News Reporter:
Since the First Daughter went into hiding, I have seen
him rise from his TV, smear his makeup upon
him, unlock his phone, take forth to Twitter, deny it,
admit it, repost it, afterwards spin it, and again
return to his TV; yet all this while in a most fast incoherence.

Doctor Fauci:
A great mockery of the office, to have at once
the benefit of a press conference, and the effects
of a campaign rally! In this charade, besides his
lying and other performances, what truth, at any
time, have you heard him say?

Fake News Reporter:
That, sir, when he went off teleprompter.

(Enter President Lady MacTrump)

Lo you, here he comes! This is his very style;
and, upon my press credentials, bonkers. Observe him; listen close.

Doctor Fauci:
How came he by this hogwash?

Fake News Reporter:
Why, Sean Hannity: he has him in his ear
continually; ’tis his command.

Doctor Fauci:
You see, his brain is a vacuum.
Ay, but QAnon has filled it.

Doctor Fauci:
What is it he does now? Look, how he blathers.

Fake News Reporter:
It is an accustomed action with him, to blurt thus
babblings: I have known him to continue in
in this for many an hour.

President Lady MacTrump:
Yet here’s the Chinese Virus.

Fake News Reporter:
Hark! he raves: I will twist what comes from
him, to satisfy my MacTrump Derangement Syndrome.

President Lady MacTrump:
Out, damned flu! Out, I say! – Thank me,
congratulate me. – News is Fake! – SAD! my
followers, SAD! a President, and questions? What need we
mayors and governors, when I have total authority?
– Yet who would have thought the Enemy of the People
had so many nasty women among them.

Doctor Fauci:
Do you mark this lunacy?

President Lady MacTrump:
The greatest economy in history, where is it now?
Will this shut-down hoax ever end?
No more Bull Market, no more o’ that: Dems
crashed it with their laziness. LIBERATE!

Doctor Fauci:
Go to, go to; you have witnessed what no one should.

Fake News Reporter:
He has spoke directly into the microphone, I am sure of
that: but heaven knows FOX won’t report it.

President Lady MacTrump:
Here’s the whining about the virus still: disinfectant will
knock it out in one minute. One minute. One, one, one!

Doctor Fauci:
What insanity is there! The mind is surely lost.

Fake News Reporter:
I should not have to flatter him for the
dignity of my entire profession.

Doctor Fauci:
This disease is beyond my practice: yet I have known
those which have talked out of their rectums who have 
lost re-election.

President Lady MacTrump:
Hit the body with a tremendous, powerful light,
bring it inside the body. I tell you yet again,
It’s Obama’s fault; Lock Her Up!

Doctor Fauci:
Even still?

President Lady MacTrump:
To bleach to bleach! There’s rubbing on the skin:
come, come, come, come, give me your lungs.
I alone can fix it. – To bleach, to bleach, to bleach!


Doctor Fauci:
How will I clean this up?

Fake News Reporter:

Doctor Fauci:
Foul whisperings are abroad: unnatural deeds
Do breed unnatural troubles: infected minds
To their Facebook Friends will discharge their secrets:
More needs he the divine than the physician.
God, God forgive us all! Look after him;
Remove from him the means of all annoyance,
And still keep eyes upon him. So, good grief:
My mind he has mated, and amazed my sight.
I think, but dare not speak.

Fake News Reporter:
Good grief, good doctor, good grief, indeed.


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