Dates I Regret Not Going On Now That I Am Isolating Alone

That Playdate to Jack’s House in 1st Grade

I didn’t want to go to Jack’s house because he preferred drawing with markers, and I was a crayon girl. Who knows, maybe if we had set aside our differences, we could fight over how to fill in adult coloring books in quarantine together.

Going to the Football Game with Sam R.

Sam R. was definitely not as cute as Sam H., but from a distance he would have been cute enough to walk through the background of my Zoom calls every once in a while just to show the world that I’m not alone.

Seeing Annabelle at the Movies in 2015

If I had known the very existence of movie theaters would come into question, I would not have turned down going to see the creepy doll movie. I simply would have brought an eye mask and earplugs. Dan, my date, would think this is very cute and girly of me. He’d reenact the movie for me scene-by-scene in the car on the way home, skipping the disturbing parts. It would be so romantic that I work up the courage to ask him to our Senior Sadie Hawkins dance, and we eventually get married. We’d watch Annabelle Comes Home on Netflix for our 4th anniversary. 

Drinks with Carl

Sure, Carl was undeniably creepy, but maybe after a few drinks he would have seemed less creepy. I’d eventually learn that he has a pet Komodo dragon, but this gives me another living creature to talk to during the long days and nights.

Apple Picking Double Date with Jen, Her Boyfriend Tim, and Tim’s Roommate Henry

Despite hating the idea of driving three hours upstate to pick fruit I could buy at a grocery store, I should have told Jen I would go with her. We’d play the license plate game in the car and Henry would surprise me with his knowledge of state birds and flowers. Once we’re there, I’d pick the most perfect apple and take a dainty bite out of it. Then, I’d inevitably have an allergic reaction because of my severe apple allergy. But Henry would also impress me with his ability to use an EpiPen. Three years later, he’d propose to me on that very orchard. We’d bake pie during quarantine and post cookbook-worthy Instagram photos that our friends secretly hate.

Coffee With Carl

That Carl really was persistent! Maybe his “won’t take no for an answer” attitude would translate well into finding us an open FreshDirect delivery slot. 

Waiting in Line at “Complex” For a Sneaker Release Event

I saw no point in spending hours sitting in a folding chair to pay an exorbitant amount of money for sneakers, but at least Adam had a passion for something…and a large sneaker collection we could sell while waiting for our stimulus checks to come.

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