Alternative Names for Taxes on Rich People to Make Them More Palatable to Rich People

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Taxes are hard for rich people, especially when they’ve never done it before. Therefore, as a political consultant, I’ve come up with alternate names for taxes to market them to the people to whom they matter least – rich people. Because just remember – rich people have a stake in the political process too. Actually, no one had ever forgotten this. Enjoy!

  1. The Ultra-Cool Millionaire Tax
  2. The “Everybody Else is Jealous of You” Tax
  3. Botax, but Don’t Worry, We Won’t Tell Anyone.
  4. The “Don’t Worry – There’s a Lot Left” Tax
  5. The “Fifth Avenue Between 72nd and 95th  – so exhausted by this generalization of Fifth Avenue” Tax.
  6. The “The Road to the Yacht Club Won’t Pave Itself” Tax
  7. The “It’s Like Broccoli, You’ll Get Used to It” Tax. Note: for this to be effective, you may have to remind them of how hard their nannies worked to get their kids to eat vegetables.
  8. The “98% of a Billion is Still a Billion, Basically” Tax
  9. The “Like Private School Tuition, but for Adults” Tax
  10. The “You Have to Spend Money to Have Money, Which Are Your Two Favorite Hobbies” Tax
  11. Not Tax, Tahcks (like they do in Europe).
  12. The “Philanthropy-Without-the-Gala” Tax. This is particularly effective for rich people who admit only to their therapists that they actually hate galas – so sad.
  13. The “Remember – You Don’t Have to Pay Interest on Money You Gave the Government” Tax
  14. The “It’s Not Really Optional, but It’s OK That You Didn’t Know, We Hadn’t Previously Clarified” Tax
  15. The “You Can Get Coronavirus from Poor People, Too” Tax
  16. The “You’re More Culturally Relevant Than Google” Tax (this one’s just for Mark Zuckerberg)
  17. The “It’s This Or Socialism, Take Your Pick” Tax
  18. The Vineyards (plural) Tax
  19. The “We Might Have a Way to Get Your Kids to Talk to You Again” Tax
  20. The “A Lot of Rich People Squander Fortunes and You Didn’t – Nice” Tax
  21. The “A Lot of Rich People Squander Fortunes and You Only Squandered 70% – Nice” Tax
  22. The #notallbillionaires Tax
  23. The “Trust Me, It Could Be a Lot Higher” Tax
  24. The “Trust Me, It Should Be a Lot Higher” Tax
  25. The “Congratulations! You Beat the System” Tax
  26. The “Congratulations! You Beat the Broken System” Tax
  27. The “Congratulations! The System is Broken” Tax
  28. Your First Tax, from the makers of My Little Pony

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