WASHINGTON DC—For the 17th year in a row, political luminaries and celebrities gathered aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln for the annual George W. Bush ‘Mission Accomplished???’ ceremony. The gala celebrates the incredibly never-ending war in Iraq.
As is tradition, just before midnight on May 1st, President Bush, dressed in his flight suit, peaked his head out from behind a curtain and asked the crowd, “Mission accomplished?” The crowd in unison then happily shouted, “NO!” Hilarity and good times ensued.
“Man, Iraq is a steaming hot mess,” said Bush. “I lied so hard to get us into that war! I can’t believe it’s been 17 big ones!” Bush could barely keep a straight face as he went on to say, “but don’t worry, we’re gonna smoke ’em out.” Some of the fun party games people were joyfully playing included, ‘Guess How Many Troops Are Still There,’ ‘Pin The Tail on Saddam,’ and ‘Bobbing For WMD’s.’
Partygoers that wanted to beat-the-heat could take their chances by sitting in the ‘Waterboarding Dunk Tank.’ On one such occasion, after being knocked into the water by a blazing fastball from Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld was overheard saying, “Wow waterboarding is uncomfortable. I thought I was gonna die. Race you to the cotton candy machine!”
‘It’s the best bash of the year,’ said Dick Cheney. “I’ve cheated on my wife under that ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner each of the last eight years,” uttered a jolly Rush Limbaugh. While nearby a dancing Ellen DeGeneres shouted, “don’t tell anyone I’m here!” The mega-party went until the wee hours of the morning before Bush took to the stage, grabbed the microphone and said, “Thanks y’all, this was a blast, see ya next year!” Bush then proceeded to salute the crowd, snort a line of cocaine, and do a mic drop.