Dogs Reply-All

From: Biscuit
Subject: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Oak Ave. dogs –
There are dogs I don’t recognize walking down the block right now. It should also be noted that they have on coats. It isn’t even cold out.

From: Teddy
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Thanks for your note! I’m away from the window right now because it’s time for din-din! Please reach out to Sprinkles, my downstairs neighbor, if this is urgent.

From: Monty
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Thanks for the heads up — can you confirm the identity of one or both dogs? No sign of any strange dogs on my end of the block. Please do let me know if they get anywhere near my tree. I peed on it this morning. And also every day. Forever.

From: Biscuit
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Monty,
Per my last email, I don’t recognize the dogs. They may be miniature pinschers. Also, please be advised we haven’t yet finalized tree ownership. I’ve asked for feedback on my very thorough proposal that we all have an assigned tree on the block, and I have to date received no feedback. Let’s table this for now and focus on the task at hand.

From: Tugboat
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Just joining here — Lola, do you have the bandwidth to keep an eye on these dogs and their coats? They should be passing your window soon.

From: Lola
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Sorry, but I am just slammed with this newspaper. I need to tear it into bits by end of day. I’ll check in again once my calendar is free.

From: Sprinkles
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Hi all,
I’ll stay by the window and circle back with any updates if I see them sniffing or if one of them has a ball.
Update: They just walked by and one of them just looked up at my window. Can confirm two Boston terriers, one in pink racing coat and one in a purple sweater. It has pom poms. How should we proceed?

From: Tugboat
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Looping in Gary from the other end of the block. Can you see the dogs, Gary?

From: Gary
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Squirrel! Sorry, I just joined. What’s the ask? Is this about your tree assignment proposal again, Biscuit? I’m good with whatever the group wants to do re: tree per dog.

From Monty
Re: My tree
I’m aligned on the proposal and would like to claim my tree as my tree. As I mentioned previously, I have already peed on the tree and would happily sign off on the distribution of tree assignments otherwise. Also, can we circle back on the squirrel?

From Biscuit
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Monty, please don’t change the subject of ongoing email threads – it’s confusing for everyone. Once everyone else is aligned re: my tree assignment proposal, then we’ll set up a task force dedicated to figuring out the most appropriate tree assignments for everyone. Gary — we’re watching the strange dogs walking down our block for signs they’re up to no good. Is everyone aligned with barking in unison until they go to a different block?

From Biscuit
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Quick follow-up: Sprinkles, please wait for confirmation before barking.

From Sprinkles
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Apologies! I thought we were all aligned. I’ll go in my crate now.

From:  Lola
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Hi all, just got free. I have eyes on the trespassers. Going to whine until my human takes me for walkies and I can take a deeper dive into the situation.

From: Teddy
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Hi all,
I was away — can someone catch me up here? Who’s Lola out there with? She should let them know that’s Monty’s tree they’re pooping on right now. Are those the French Bulldogs that just moved in?

From: Biscuit
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Teddy,
I wasn’t aware there were new dogs on the block. Did you request that they fill out the onboarding paperwork?

From:  Lola
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Hi all,
I’m back from walkies. The strange dogs just moved in to the house with the scary jockey statue in front of it. They’re called Wilma and Whiskers. Smell like good dogs.  I have to jump off now — just remembered I have a new rope toy!

From: Monty
Re: Dogs I don’t recognize walking down our block
Now, how are we going to resolve the matter of one of them pooping by my tree?

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