16 Ways to Keep Your Vibrator Interested in Quarantine

  1. Fake an orgasm even if you’re not in the mood, just to keep its confidence up.
  2. Occasionally talk about your old vibrator—the one that broke but was really good before that.
  3. Take a few days off and just use your hand instead.
  4. Use a different body wash so it wonders where you were.
  5. Check your phone in the middle.
  6. Wear lipstick, or at least don’t wipe the chocolate off your face.
  7. Fall asleep in the middle, and then when you wake back up, apologize profusely.
  8. Change your bra, but just once, during the whole quarantine.
  9. Switch to the sofa instead.
  10. Ask if your shower head can join in.
  11. Get a dog – that throws everyone off.
  12. Decline a call from your mom in the middle so it knows you prioritize it.
  13. Try a different position, like instead of lying on your stomach with your feet at the foot of the bed, like on your back with your feet at the head of the bed.
  14. Incorporate other body parts by scratching your butt in the middle.
  15. Take a break from masturbating.
  16. Just kidding, that’s insane. Do not do that.

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