Dear Woman with New Pixie Cut,
Wow! So, you really did it! You chopped off that long, luscious hair for this short…choice. Attached to this letter, we provided social media photographic evidence. As a member of Random Men Who Share Unsolicited Opinions About Your Appearance, I wish you asked us before making this drastic decision. You could have posted a public Facebook poll on an antifeminist or misogynist group. Or on twitter (#needgeneralmanlyapproval) but here you are—such a bold decision for a woman to make by herself! Now that your choice is irreversible, mostly likely an estrogen driven decision, we’re sending this MWSUP preemptive notice. Opinions may come from a man you just met, rarely talk to, or even someone you’re actively avoiding. Do not worry, our members will not cease to provide their duty-driven assessment. Here are our members and the opinions they plan to share with you:
Some guy at a party who keeps hitting on you: Are you a lesbian? I’m just asking because you’re standoffish. And, you know, the hair.
Coworker you never talk to: You know, I usually prefer women with long hair, but your stylist did a great job.
Barista you see every day who spells your name wrong on your coffee cup at least once a week: Whoa, you cut your hair. Don’t worry, it will grow back.
Your apartment neighbor who always smells like onions: That was a brave choice. Good for you! Girl power!
Facebook friend from college you never actually liked: Damn! I would be so mad if my girlfriend did that!
Gym trainer who always asks if you need help with any equipment: Why did you cut your hair?
Your dad: *Silent judgment.
Now, there’s no need to thank us for these unwanted sentiments! In the future, we strongly recommend seeking at least two male approvals before changing anything appearance-wise. We suggest wearing extra makeup, rekindle femininity! Until we meet again!
Men Who Share Their Unsolicited Opinions About Your Appearance
P.S. Smile! You look so pretty when you smile!