My Darling Belinda,
I can’t believe it’s already been one week since I last touched your long, wavy hair. By now it must be slightly longer and even wavier than the wavy seas we find ourselves navigating in the midst of this great national storm.
Yes, Belinda, quarantine has made me a bit of a poet, which is why I had no choice but to write you, because I have set forth for an idyllic new world where we can be together! It’s a sparkling, untouched gem of an island called… Animal Crossing New Horizons for Nintendo Switch.
You see, my sweet, as the first settler of this deserted isle I’ve been given the honor of naming the luscious rock before me, so naturally I’ve named it after the only other luscious rock in my life: You.
So don’t you cry, because even though we’re apart I’m here, Belinda. Standing on your rocky shores. With my new friends, Henry the Frog and Lobo, the Cranky Blue Wolf. They send their love and I send you mine always.
My Sweet Belinda,
Forgive me, for I know not more than a night’s sleep has passed since I last wrote, but so much has happened I simply couldn’t wait for your reply!
These are trying times for all of us all, and I won’t lie Belinda—I’m haunted by visions of you and I, hungry and homeless, tossed out with nothing more than the scraps on our back. That’s why I simply had to write again and share the good news: I’ve been assigned an important new job by our fearless local leader. So don’t you worry about food on the table or a roof over your head, Belinda, because none other than Tom Nook himself has asked your Jeremy to help him with big project here on your verdant shores.
Now I know Tom has a reputation for being a bit of a shifty raccoon, but all the animals tell me he’s an honorable business partner—and even if the worst befalls us, rest assured, my dear sweet Belinda, the Nintendo Switch is portable so you will be safe no matter where the fates may take us.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
Belinda, My Love,
Greetings from the bustling shores of, well, you!
My responsibilities have grown quite a bit since I last wrote, and I know you would just adore the delightful menagerie of animals who’ve joined us here. There’s Alfonso the Alligator, Wade the portly penguin, and then there’s Raymond—oh, he is quite the character, let me tell you! Raymond is the cleverest little cat with two different colored eyes and a wisp of hair on his little cat head.
I can’t wait for you to meet him, but for now I must depart—my dear, sweet Belinda—for your museum simply cannot wait to assess these mysterious new fossils!
Apologies for the delay since my last missive! I’m embarrassed to admit that a full fortnight has passed and I’m sure you were worried sick. I assure you my hiatus is not due to poor health nor depression—quite the opposite, in fact! I’ve been so busy with work I’ve hardly had time for anything else.
Part of it, naturally, is our unfortunate circumstances. Simple tasks seem to take forever now. Ordinary things like picking fruit, chopping wood, or hitting rocks with your shovel until 8 bags of money pop out—these suddenly seem as if they take all day. And never mind if Gulliver the Alcoholic Seagull washes up on your pristine shores demanding I dig his broken phone parts out of your equally pristine sand! Then the whole day is lost!
Alas Belinda, the work is hard, but at the same time these days with you have been some of the happiest of my life. I only wish you were here with me to enjoy them too!
Why, just yesterday Raymond was remarking that you’ve turned into quite the cultural destination—and that is high praise, my darling dear, because I’ve seen the inside of Raymond’s house and let me tell you: That cat has taste.
Your darling Jeremy,
No time for pleasantries as I have earth-shattering news. I hope you’re sitting down and perhaps it would be best if you had a glass of water ready—or perhaps even a Pamplemousse La Croix.
Are you prepared, my sweet? For here is my news: World famous musician K.K. Slider is coming to play on your shores! Yes, my dear, sun-dappled Belinda! We did it!
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that an island named after you would be so beautiful, so welcoming, that it would achieve a 3-star rating in less than one month! But still I never expected this: The dog himself. K.K. Slider!
More news to come. For now, just know that you are held in the highest regard by all.
My love always,
There’s no other way to say this so forgive me for being blunt: I’ve fallen in love with Raymond. Yes, Raymond the cat. The snooty cat with two different color eyes.
It all started the night of K.K.’s concert. Raymond was there, of course. And then K.K. took the stage and it was like the whole world around us just disappeared. It was perfect. Cherry blossoms falling around Raymond’s cute little cat ears. His little tuft of people hair. Then blossoms turned into fall leaves, and then snow. I felt a whole lifetime with Raymond passing before my eyes. I felt like I knew him. Like I lo—…
Listen, Belinda, I know I told you I only fooled around with guys in college and that I wasn’t really into it, but what I didn’t tell you is that I also have an enormous cat fetish. And, I’ll just say it, there’s something hot about the two different color eyes.
So this is the last you’ll hear from me, Belinda. Raymond and I are starting a new life together and we think it’s best you weren’t a part of it. Don’t ask me for a Dodo Code so you can fly to my airport. Trust me: It’s better this way.
Know this, Belinda: We’ll always think of you fondly,
Jeremy & Raymond