Things I’ve Mistakenly Brought Up on First Dates With Finance Guys

woman in white turtleneck sweater

the fact that i want to leave

the generic names of my anti depressants

the names i gave the hyacinths in my windowsill (brenda…linda)

my rocky relationship with my brother

how often i think about turtles

the fact that my uncle drowned in ’96

the fact that i when i went to the bathroom i wasn’t peeing i was doing a power stance

the fact that I pregamed this date with homemade negronis for two HOURS

the fact that i do musical improv….WITH PUPPETS

my thoughts on the novel The Incest Diary 

how i don’t really believe in “MONEY”

how i don’t have my wallet on me and thus will not be able to perform “The reach”

how i have not seen scarface

how i have not seen moneyball

how i did not like the godfather

the fact that i exclusively read sylvia plath poems

how i consider myself an artist

how i have made a home in my third eye




how i exclusively watch movies about love and/or regret

swedish psychological thrillers

my body image issues


turtles again

my fertility/biological clock

gone girl by gillian flynn

how i’d like to join a nudist cult

how i’m living off of unemployment

my fear of cocaine

how i haven’t seen narcos

how i haven’t seen ozark

how i refuse to watch the irishman

the fact that i’d like to have sex but only if you don’t look at me

the fact that i’m listening on the outside but screaming on the inside as you discuss your job

the fact that i don’t have a job

me needing a place to stay for a few nights if you have room

the fact that i condemn your lifestyle so that i can justify my own but seriously can i stay over

how i haven’t read rich dad poor dad

how i’ll gladly have a fourth drink but never want to see you again but still need to stay over

how i think you’re probably a sex addict who is addicted to porn but doesn’t know it and how i can help curb your addiction through a guided meditation that opens your third eye

marina abramovic

susan b anthony

facts about any woman

how i bleed on my sheets every month and how in some circles that’s considered art but i won’t bleed on yours let me stay over

anything about myself

how i’m hungry

the fact that i’m a poet and please take me home and let me stay over please i’m begging you










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