As Your Dad, I’m So Proud Of Whatever It Is You’re Doing

Howdy, kiddo. I know we don’t spend a lot of time chattin’ about personal things, but I’ve been seein’ all the stuff you’re doin’ lately, and I just gotta say: you’re makin’ me proud out there.

I’m not quite sure what it is you keep goin’ on about, but it seems like you’re doin’ great at whatever it is, and I love that. You know me, I’m Mr. Supportive. You gotta promise to thank me in your Oscar speech! I know you haven’t acted since Hairspray in high school, but you never know.

By the way, you were so good in that show, kid. I know I’m your dad, so my opinion’s not supposed to count, but everybody knew you were the best one. I still talk about it! Still the best night I ever had at the theater. That show, and the Bryan Cranston LBJ play thing. Both way up there for me.

Yup, I’ve just been back home, checkin’ on your little updates. Did I see you’ve been doing somethin’ with computers? Digital social marketing media, right? That’s killer, buddy. 

New job, same ol’ rat race. Ahhhhhh. Yep, yep yep yep. Yep. 

Have you heard of this guy Elon Musk? He’s really big on that internet stuff. Have you thought about reaching out to him and seeing if he’s got some kinda apprenticeship program? What do you mean “that’s not how life works” and “he has absolutely nothing to do with my career?” 

It’s fine! I’ll stop trying to be helpful. I get it — Dad’s just a cranky old “boomer” who can’t keep up. I’m just sayin’: that Elon Musk makes a lotta dough. I’m sure he pays his own phone bill and everything. I’m messin’ with ya! But really, feel free to start Venmoing me 45 bucks a month whenever you can scrape it together. 

So! Big city life, huh? The Windy Apple of Angels or whatever they call it. I hear it’s crazy up there. Isn’t it crazy with the COVID-19? Don’t worry, we’re doin’ the social distancing — we just went on a socially distanced picnic with 73 of our closest friends. Calm down! We wore masks while we were passing around all the unpackaged food.

Oh yeah, that reminds me: I saw you posted about going to that big social justice parade. Seemed like a lot of fun. Yeah, I went and did a 5K the other day. So I guess we both blew off some steam, y’know?

Anyway. What else. You don’t have anywhere to be, right? Gotcha! What with the global pandemic and such.

Do you still like movies? That’s the thing about you: you always watched movies. We just watched — what was it called — Photograph of a Woman in Flames? Painting of a Female Inferno? Right, yeah, that’s it: Portrait of a Lady on Fire. 

Gotta tell ya: could not make heads or tails of that flick. Nothin’ even happens! They’re in the same little house the whole time. We ended up fast forwardin’ through all the love scenes and flippin’ on Green Book. Now that’s a friggin’ movie. They drive across the whole country! And that kinda story…so important nowadays. You get it, you do the activist thing.

Hey, can you settle an argument for me? Uncle Kevin says you film TikToks, but I told him you do TikToks. Do you say “film” or “do?” I feel like for it to be “film,” it’s gotta be, y’know, cinematic or what have you. When Scorsese gets on TikTok, I’ll start sayin’ “film,” okay? Ha, that’s pretty funny. Get Scorsese on TikTok…

You gotta go? But we haven’t even gotten to catch up about politics! All right, well I love ya, keep rockin’, and lookin’ forward to jabberin’ again on Thanksgiving.

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