1. Uber you took to happy hour when you lied about being “on my way!” and didn’t have time to take the Subway. ($11.50)
2. Another vodka soda because you asked Emma if you could leave soon and she said “Aren’t you having fun!?? ($12.00)
3. Pregnancy test after googling “implantation bleeding.” ($14)
4. Cat calendar you bought for office Secret Santa at CVS on the way to work the day of office Secret Santa. ($16)
5. Overnight shipping for that document you told mom you put in the mail 3 days ago. ($26)
6. Hanging plants that died and started to smell weird after a week. ($53)
7. Floor length snake skin trench coat that you almost put on every day and decide its “too much.” ($120)
8. Tickets to see your acquaintance do stand-up comedy. ($7)
9. There is a two drink minimum for audience members?? ($20)
10. 1/6th of the bill at El Camino Taqueira because you didn’t want to seem annoying even though you only had chips. ($18)
11. Six harmonica set for your dad “as a joke.” ($30)
12. Chipotle burrito hand delivered to your boyfriend who will eat it laying in bed like Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. ($9.50)
13. “Babe can you get extra steak?” ($2.00)
14. Same dress in two different sizes; kept the small one because you might lose 5-8 pounds this year. ($55)
16. Shit that was in the checkout line at T.J. Maxx. ($2,300)
17. Uber to get home no matter the cost at 2:15 a.m. on New Years Eve. ($27.85)
18. Adderall from your little brother’s friend. ($40)
19. Makeup purchased before meeting your brother’s friend because you secretly want desperately to be known as Josh’s hot sister. ($6.50)
20. Cell phone data extension plan so you can spend all day screaming at Twitter, and call it “staying informed.” ($30).
If you are burning red hot with shame, please consider using this article to donate in support of Black lives.
