Cards Against Humanity Box Turns Out to be a Bomb and Kills Everyone at Betty’s Housewarming

cards against humanity
Photo by Pablo Punk on

Betty’s housewarming isn’t all bad. People are joking, laughing, flirting, and drinking. But, OH GOD. There’s an awkward silence. No one saw it coming. No one was prepared for this. People are thinking of leaving. There seems to be no way out of this conversational lull. No one knows what to do. It’s just so painful.

Suddenly, Betty, the host, rises. 

“Does anyone wanna play Cards Against Humanity?” she asks.

Everyone screams with relief and delight. Betty is a hero! Everyone knows that Cards Against Humanity is the the best party game ever, particularly when people have NOTHING to say to each other. The party guests are abuzz with excitement. They can’t help but express their love of the game openly!

“I played this with my dad once. He nearly fainted when he pulled the ‘Dog Anuses in the South’ card,” says one. 

“Did you know you can submit your own answers? I sent one in once. It said ‘My mother’s twat.’ No luck, but still!” shouts another.  

“I like it because I personally have a super dark and twisted sense of humor. Things like ‘Obama’s Urethra’ really don’t bother me,” says one. 

“Exactly! I LOVE how non-PC it is! Bring it on, Ghandi’s Sphincter!” screams another. 

“I’m a Republican, so I love it!” says another guest.

“And it’s perfect for getting to know other people’s sense of humor! I can’t STAND PC culture. Cards Against Humanity is way better than talking for sure!” 

“Once, I got dealt the Dead Babies, Dead Parents, and Dick Fingers cards all in one hand!” 

“Are you serious? You’re so lucky! The best cards I ever got together were Dick cheese and Mother Theresa’s butthole.” 

“Ha! Those are classics. I once won a game by combining Mouth Herpes, Child Porn, and Jesus of Nazareth.” 

“Dude, NICE. Yeah man, Apples to Apples is for losers. This really is a game for horrible people, haha, like us!”

“Ha, yeah, cheers to being horrible.”

All of the party guests raise their glasses with glee.


Betty sits down. Everyone is yelling and can’t wait to begin. Betty places the Cards Against Humanity box on the table. Everyone gathers around it and smiles widely.

“I’m so glad you guys decided you wanted to play,” says Betty.

She lifts the cover off the box. The coveted stacks of hilarious cards glimmer in the light. She looks around at her guests. They’re having such a great time. This was a good party after all! Wearing a satisfied grin, Betty moves her hand toward the card on top of one of the stacks. 

But the moment her finger touches the card, BOOM, KABOOM, BOOM! The box explodes and kills everyone instantly. 

That’s right, that particular Cards Against Humanity box was a actually a lethal bomb. Thank God. The games’ creators were so embarrassed by the incident that they stopped making games altogether. Thank God. But they probably didn’t need to. The tragic event scared everyone so much that no one played Cards Against Humanity ever again. THANK GOD.

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