Bible Verses Optimized To Appeal To Gen Z

According to recent studies, the kids just aren’t worshipping like they used to. So to help the next generation see the light and realize just how hard Jesus slaps, we here at DIVINE Marketing Corp have taken it upon ourselves to rewrite popular Bible verses in their terms. It’s that new new testament. 

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

God thought the world was so fire, he ghosted his literal son so that all his #followers would low-key live forever.

Genesis 1:3 

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 

And God was like, it’s lit, fam: and it was lit, fam. 🔥🔥🔥🔥

John 4:8

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Keeping it 💯 if you don’t love God, you don’t know God. Don’t @ me. God is love. God is lyfe.

Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud

Love SLAYS #love #slays #slay #loveslays #yassssssgod #instagod #faithfluencer  #sinnersbedamned #burninhellsinners #ilovegod #ilovejesus #bodofchrist #amen

2 Timothy 1:7

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. 

You’re looking like a snacc, girl; there is nothing wrong with you. Deadass.

Matthew 6:9-13

Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Dzaddy up in heaven, you’re holy AF. Your kingdom is coming and if you ask us to do stuff we’ll say yaaaassss on earth AND in heaven. Let’s get this bread! And squash beef with the people we’ve clowned on, as we squash beef with those who have clowned on us. Plz don’t tempt us and plz help us cancel evil. 

Psalm 34:8 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

The LORD is GUCCI! Take refuge in him and be #blessed and live your best life 😎 🙌 🙏

Leviticus 18:22

Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable. 

🍆🍆🙅🤮… 🍆🌮🙋😃

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