Advertising : I specialize in advertising for products that strive to make a difference in people’s lives. My top advertised products include lavender scented lipstick, nose glitter, and eyebrow shadow. I have also successfully influenced five of my close friends to consider investing in the new lip bronzer.
Strategic Planning : I single-handedly managed the strategy for my Instagram account. From “Do I need to pretend to cook really pretty food?” and “Is the Lark filter better at 63% or 64%?” to “Is 768 selfies a day too many?” (It’s not!) – I answered crucial questions that have been key to my success. So I’m more than qualified to step in as CEO to plan and implement projects that help achieve your company’s goals.
Collaboration : Even though I’m fabulous at flying solo, I’m open to collaborations with brands that align with my core mission and values – getting paid lots of money to smile and use whatever hashtag they came up with. I haven’t done this yet, but two different brands DMed me 8 months ago saying that they’ll keep me in mind for their next campaign.
Leadership : I was responsible for leading the #PoutWithPopcorn challenge that went viral amongst all 7 of my friends. It had 100 tagged posts on Instagram. I understand that as a leader, it is important for me to set an example for others, which is why 93 of those posts were mine.
Attention To Detail : I always accomplish every task with complete accuracy. I made my boyfriend take 2108 pictures of me pretending to sip a mojito (it was actually just sparkling water, but I carefully decorated it with mint leaves). I didn’t let him stop or sit until it seemed like 11 strands of my hair were blowing with the wind and the sun fell on my left shoulder at a 45 degree angle. As you can tell, my attention to detail is at par with that of a surgeon.
Adaptability : I am able to thrive in a variety of different backgrounds. In addition to working from home, I am also comfortable working from under a palm tree or the top of a bejeweled beanbag. Last week, I hosted an Instagram Live hairbrushing tutorial from a luxurious beach house that I broke into, while simultaneously trying to silence their German Shepherd with biscuits that had my face on them.
Social Media : I successfully managed to buy all my 10K Instagram followers. Consequently, I was rewarded with the prestigious blue tick that puts me in the same league as renowned personalities such as Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian. Nothing on social media gets by me. I noticed that @karenbot unfollowed me while I was in the shower, mid-shampoo. You’re obviously going to hire me so you should also know that I do not respond to calls, texts, or emails. The only sound that gets my attention is the heavenly ding of an Instagram notification.