Dick Pic Captions For Every Occasion

by Jenna Hall and Justine Hipsky

Had a Great Time Last Night

Good morning!! Had a nice time at dinner last night. Sorry I ate more than half of the calamari appetizer lol. Anyways, I know you said you have a really big work meeting early this morning, so wanted to show you something else really big for good luck lol 

Happy New Moon

Heyyyy, hope this doesn’t wake you up! I was just noticing I couldn’t see the moon in the sky and thought about you since you’re into astrology and stuff. Wanted to tell you that I looked up my rising sign…it’s risen alright 😉 😉 But for real I guess I’m a Pisces rising? #Namastelookingatmydick

St. Patrick’s Day

Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! Want to kiss me lucky charm? It’s Irish, bahaha! Haven’t heard from you in a couple days, guessing you’ve just been busy with work. Make that money, girlll! Lol

Hertz Promo Code

Happy hump day ;p  Finally got promoted to Assistant Manager at Hertz and wanted to share the news. #BOSS #Grinding! Let me know if you want me to enroll you in the Hertz Gold Plus Rewards member program, I’ve got that kind of pull now! P.S. Here’s another member you could pull LOLOL

Get Well Soon

Damn! Saw on Facebook that you tested positive for Coronavirus. That’s wild, but you can beat this (and this)! 😉 Haha seriously though, hope you get well! The Carrabba’s by my house just opened back up. Skinny Ritas soon??

I Recently Adopted A Beta Fish

But don’t worry I’m still an alpha, lmfao

Sent You An Edible Arrangement But It Was Returned

Called customer service and they told me this has never happened before. Fuckin weird, right?! Are you feeling better, btw?? In any case, here are some melon balls since the package didn’t make it. ROFL. Call me soon?

Found Your New Number On Whitepages.com!

Heyyy. Last time I texted, someone named Anne told me I had the wrong number and said that she was calling the cops, lol, whoops. I know a lot of women who change their phone numbers every few years, so I looked ya up! Hope I’m not trying too HARD, lolol

Missed Your Birthday Parade

Happy bday, stranger! Saw on Insta that you were having a social distancing bday thing and I was gonna cruise by in the Xterra but I got so excited leaving work that I backed into the new guy Rick. He’s fine, he was already on crutches. But I got in trouble and had to do an ASSload of paperwork, haha :O

I’m Sorry I Sent You A Picture Of My Butthole

My roommate Chad bought a bunch of Lime-A-Ritas last night and I thought it was a funny idea at the time. My B. And to make up for it…my D 😉 hope to hear from you soon, beautiful!

The Carrabba’s Closed Again

I guess one of the line cooks put his dick inside an eggplant rollatini and put a picture of it on snapchat and the health dept saw that shit! What a freak! Lolol! Good news though is that if you want to schedule that second date, there’s always the Bonefish Grill! Lol promise I’ll share the apps this time!

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