Hey KidzBop Team,
It’s a classic conundrum for parents: You’re driving in the minivan and you want to listen to your favorite podcast, but the kiddos in backseat want to listen to Kidz Bop…
Problem solved! I couldn’t be more excited about Kidz Pod, our upcoming podcast division. It’s edutainment that will expand children’s minds while cutting down screen time…unless they are just text and scroll Instagram while listening like my own kids did in the beta test, haha.
As we have done with Kidz Bop’s music, we will have our talented child cast members perform “cover versions.” But this time, those high-pitched voices will be re-enacting popular podcasts.
Of course, that means we’re going to have to edit controversial content to make it more audience appropriate. It’s a challenge but if anyone is up to the task, it’s the team that changed Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” lyrics from “Probably should have washed this, it smells like R. Kelly’s sheets” to “Probably should have washed this, it smells like my baseball cleats.” I still LOL at that one!
Here some of the shows that we are targeting for our debut compilation, along with some family-friendly changes that we have in mind:
WTF? With Marc Maron: WTH? (What The Heck?) With Marc Maron is a title option, as is What The Funk? (The Kidz Bop 28 cover of Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk” still does tremendous numbers on Spotify.) Our Kidz Pod iteration will feature in-depth interviews in which our cantankerous host asks “Who are your guys?” to prominent TikTok-ers and Twitch streamers.
The Joe Rogan Experience: This is no conspiracy theory: Going from three minute pop songs to a three hour podcasts about mixed martial arts (and crafts!) will provide parents with a built-in babysitter while extending kids’ attention spans. Although we’re still waiting to hear back from the FTC, DEA and CIA about the legality of DMT-dosed CapriSuns, elk meat Lunchables are already onboard as a sponsor.
Call Her Daddy: Yes, this Barstool Sports podcast is very sexual, but we’ll make it rated G. Remember, we covered “Oops!… I Did It Again” on the very first Kidz Bop release back in 2001. One simple fix is changing every “Gluck Gluck” reference to “Cluck Cluck”-you know, like a chicken. I also think that we should re-title it Call Her Mommy. (We considered Call Him Daddy, but for some reason marketing said that was too creepy.) If we pull this one off, we can think about doing Guys We Yucked for Volume Two.
The Rewatchables: How does one do a discussion show about movies watched over and over and not an do an episode on Frozen? You don’t. Heck, my neighbors thought Elsa and Anna were the names of our nannies! Was “Let It Go” the Apex Mountain for Adele Nazeem? We’re gonna find out on this Kidz Bop cover of The Ringer’s podcast.
Welcome To Nightvale: Narrative podcasts have a lot of potential. But when it comes to fictional world-building, kids respond to established brands they already know and love. We see this an opportunity for synergy. In other words: Welcome to Welcome To Fornite-vale!
The Read: Imagine simultaneously teaching kids how to read (spelling, phonics, comprehension) while simultaneously teaching them how to “read” someone (that’s gay African-American slang for calling out people’s flaws publicly-according to Wikipedia.)
Who Weekly? The adult version of this podcast purports to tell listeners “everything you need to know about the celebrities you don’t.” But which celebs are “whos” and which celebs are “thems” changes with the ages of the listening audience. So instead of explaining the difference between Logan and Jake Paul to elder millennials, the Kidz Bop version of Who Weekly? will help kids distinguish the confusing difference between aging A-listers like Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks.
Pod Save America: Our political polling indicates that most children are “independent dependents” with tyrannical tendencies. But a lot of entertainment decisions are made by parents with purchasing power, and our focus group research suggests that “neo-liberals who want change, but not too much change” represent a very desirable demographic.
I’ve also solicited some ideas from our creative consultant Al Yankovic (yes, “Weird” Al Yankovic), who is also pivoting to podcasting. It should come as no surprise that the pop poet behind “My Bologna,” “Eat It” and the now problematic “Fat” had some funny ideas involving food: My Favorite Murder becomes My Favorite Burger, Chapo Trap House becomes Taco Wrap House and Serial becomes (you guessed it!) Cereal.
Now let’s make podding the next Minecraft!
C.E.O. Kidz Pod Influencer Squad