Masterclass In Viral Love

Do you dream of video-dating multiple partners? Do you want to have 1000+ infatuated followers on LinkedIn and Facebook? Have you had enough of Jane-Austen-style guided masturbation? Then this Masterclass is for you! You’ll learn everything from faking Zoom’s eye contact to fighting your ex with Instagram stories.

The content is digestible for any age, relationship status or sexual orientation.
Limited-time offer.
Available online only.

Learning Objectives:

After this Masterclass you will be able to:
– let go of stale love ideologies from the 1970s;
– conceive Babies X;
– tinder swipe like a pro.

Duration: 100 Minutes

Unit 1 introduces you to the basics of VIRAL LOVE. The videos demonstrate everything from removing misplaced nostalgia about exclusive and unique relationships to achieving drug-like arousal with every re-tweet. You will get tips on how to block celebs who promote serendipity in love and other conspiracy theories. By completing Activity 1, you’ll score instant access to three dating sites and a free webcam-spy app.

Activity: Pick up five names from the Fake Name Generator and set up five disposable Gmail accounts. Use them to create five Facebook profiles with selfies enhanced in Photoshop. (NB: If you have a visible disability, are over-weighed or belong to an ethnic minority, we strongly recommend you use selfies from our #PerfectPeoplePhotobank). Add impressive credentials. Auto-follow one account per minute and auto-unfollow accounts that don’t follow back. Start promoting your personal brand; fake humanity when needed. When you have 100,000+ followers, keep a spreadsheet of potential video-chatting material.

Unit 2 discusses the Ten Stages of the virtuous cycle in VIRAL LOVE:

Stage 1: Start liking each other’s profiles
Stage 2: Follow each other
Stage 3: Direct-message each other
Stage 4: Send perfect indoor pictures
Stage 5: Exchange goodnight selfies with filters
Stage 6: Exchange morning selfies with no filters
Stage 7: Have a video-date
Stage 8: Send vibration emojis
Stage 9: Have e-sex
Stage 10: Fire each other and repeat the cycle with a new match

Activity: Follow all stages with two of your virtual partners. To spice things up, immerse yourselves in a Jacuzzi background with a VR massage. Give it a Like.

Unit 3 outlines digital love assets, such as user-generated images that maximize your success rate of finding a partner who likes, clicks and swipes just like you do. You will learn how to date multiple people simultaneously and measure your genetic compatibility with our at-home DNA test-kits (more info here).

Activity: Send the same half-naked selfie to ten selected partners. Rate their answers on a scale of one to ten. Select a winner for your Instagram afternoon story. Remember to tag your ex(es) for greater virality. Reply to the losers with our template-based text.

Unit 4 covers e-cheating and how to deal with it. We provide a wealth of real-life examples to illustrate how kiss emojis signal an affair and how to break up with no virtual trace. In this final Unit you will also find out how to build your case against a cyber-stalking ex.

Activity: Follow one of your classmates and after a third message, ghost them. Ensure you cut off the conversation unexpectedly and get your texts archived in a private virtual memory box. Block your ex-es on all of your social media accounts and delete any of their likes or comments from your public profile.

Congratulations! You are now Master in Viral Love. You have the skills necessary to freely roam all dating and social sites that excel in digital marketing. Make sure you tell your friends about this course. Together we can create a world free from healthy love.

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