Resignation Letter From A #Girlboss

“Audrey Gelman, a founder of the women-only co-working space the Wing—itself an incubator of sorts for girlbosses—as CEO resigned earlier this month amid an uproar over low pay and poor treatment of the people, largely women of color, tasked with the day-to-day operations of the company’s membership clubs.” 

The Girlboss Has Left the Building” The Atlantic

Sup Betches!!

Wait. I’m so sorry. That salutation struck a really inappropriate tone. Let me start over.

Dear Betches,

Effectively immediately, I am resigning from my position of CEO at The Pad. Five years ago I started The Pad as a coworking space and pelvic floor rehabilitation spa where women could build professional networks, socialize, and have their genital hiatuses fine tuned like a grand piano. 

I’ve come to the realization that I am not the right person to lead our company at this unprecedented time that is neither profitable nor funsies. I imagine that my resignation appears to be yet another data point in the current exodus of white female CEOs in response to employee backlash. But I assure you this is totally different! Unlike those other sloppy bitches who couldn’t cut it, my flounce is, and I cannot stress this enough, entirely altruistic. Should any member of the press contact you, I (and the powerful network of hiring managers I do pilates with) trust that you will report my motives as such. 

In my place, I have promoted three BIPOC employees to a newly formed CEO office. They’re bravely stepping up at a time when a global pandemic has disemboweled 95% of The Pad’s revenue. Being forced to take the reins will provide the much deserved visibility and representation for these human meatshields cherished employees. I’m so excited to see what they can do without me standing in the way

My vision for The Pad was radical intersectional feminism. I wanted our membership to be a diverse assemblage of backgrounds and ideas. The Pad is a gathering place for all, and we accepted each and every individual who could afford $700/month dues, attended an Ivy League university, knew the rules and bylaws of yacht racing, and secured a letter of recommendation from an alumnus at the elite prep school I personally attended. (Go Honeybears!)

I also wanted to create a safe and welcoming work environment for my incredible staff. The Pad is a mission-driven company, and I aimed to help each and every employee on her path to success. However, the path to success I envisioned was one of those short half-mile loops you can do in Tory Burch sandals after eating a cannabis gummy. I’ve recently learned that for those less privileged, the path to success is more like an arduous 10-mile march with extreme grade changes, and I, unfortunately, do not know how to style the hiking boots required for that metaphor. I came up short, and for that I apologize. 

I want you to see that I am the rising tide that lifts all ships. There is the small matter that there’s been a *bit* of an oil spill that takes the form of an abusive workplace and financial decimation. The source of which is anyone’s guess, and I encourage you to wait until I’m gone to investigate. But once the members of the new minority leadership team clean up all that toxic sludge and de-greases all the cute lil’ ducklings, they’re going to have a hell of a company to work with! You’re welcome!

Besides, I’m not even, like, fully resigning. I’m totally keeping my seat on the Board of Directors. Let’s call what I’m doing “making room.” I’m on the sidelines. I’m lurking in the shadows. Think of it not so much as “stepping down” as “stepping back.” More like back and a couple of steps to the left. If you were on The Pad’s new minority-led leadership team, you’d be sitting right up at the bar. I would be just far enough back to be able to reach the beer nuts and listen to your conversation about the bad date you had with Peter in Biz Dev. (Oh my god, tell me everything!)

So I’m going to GTFO while I’m still liquid and until the social climate is a little more favorable towards my personal brand. I’ll be in quar in The Maldives out of the jurisdiction of the SEC. 

See you never!
#girlboss

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