By Kendall Krantz and Malinda Krantz (my mom)
By Eldest Daughter, Parent Manager
Overall, Mom’s special project of quarantine child management has gone swimmingly.
Mom has adapted to her additional new responsibilities of homeschool teacher, chef, cleaner, entertainer, dog trainer, and landscaper, with agility. She is dedicated to the reentry of her college resident as well as the up-and-coming toddler, new puppy and aging cat living in our midst. She has taken to serving as a college-level academic advisor, career mentor, potty trainer, and canine/feline mediator in stride if we ignore the significant increase in wine consumption at our address. We are proud to report that the toddler has only shat on the carpet twice this month. The dog, cat, and college student zero shits that she knows about–overall a win for this quarter.
Mom has displayed improved communication skills with her adaptation of iMessenger and Snapchat since our Q2 review period. Despite the steep learning curve associated with new slang such as tea, Tiktok, mashup, and himbo. Mom has had nearly a 70% success rate when integrating new idioms into her vocabulary. She no longer publicly tags the college student in Minion facebook memes (because she can just show them from the couch).
Regarding some Q4 changes which could be helpful:
- Lifting curfew could improve the professional and personal development of the college student by opening up time to meet with weed dealers and secret boyfriends. The college student will be better able to negotiate deals and level up her soft (and hard) skills.
- The college student requests that all alcoholic drinks be shared among all family members ages sixteen and up.
- The dog requests that all meat products be shared as well.
- Fewer carrots and more candy are being requested by the toddler.
- A little less transparency into the relationship with Dad. Please roll that back, or at least send the kids and pets to the park.